Did you know the second Friday of January is called “Quitter’s Day”? It’s the day many of us give up on our New Year’s resolutions. If you’ve found yourself slipping, you’re not alone. Life gets busy, motivation fades, and the lofty goals we set can feel overwhelming.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to wait until next year to start again. Let’s explore why resolutions falter and how small, meaningful steps can reignite your momentum.

Understanding the Challenge: Why Resolutions Fail

Resolutions often fail because we set goals that are too big or rigid. When faced with setbacks or exhaustion, our brains naturally resist change due to homeostasis—a tendency to maintain the status quo. Overwhelm and burnout can follow, making it easier to quit.

Yet even small progress counts. Celebrating tiny wins can boost your motivation and reinforce positive behaviors. Research shows that savoring small successes can lead to greater happiness, optimism, and persistence.

The Power of Small, Meaningful Steps

Instead of aiming for drastic change, focus on process goals—actions you can take regularly to create sustainable habits. For example:

• Big Goal: Lose 30 pounds.

• Process Goal: Take a 10-minute walk each day or swap soda for water.

Incremental changes help you build habits over time, reducing overwhelm while increasing your chances of success.

Celebrate Small Wins

Celebrating progress, no matter how small, is vital. It can be as simple as:

• Sharing your progress with a friend.

• Giving yourself a high-five or a heartfelt “Well done!”

• Journaling a moment of pride.

This isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about reinforcing your motivation and building momentum toward your larger goals.

Tips for Recommitting to Your Goals

• Reflect on Your Why: Reconnect with the deeper reasons behind your goals. Are they aligned with your intrinsic values? Goals rooted in personal meaning are more likely to stick.

• Take the First Small Step: Focus on what you can do today, even if it’s tiny. Progress, not perfection, is key.

• Practice Mindful Goal Setting: Stay present and appreciate the journey. Mindfulness helps you savor the process rather than obsess over the outcome.

• Create Visual Reminders: Use sticky notes, vision boards, or a journal to keep your goals front and center.

You’re Not Alone: Let’s Work Together

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure how to move forward, I can help. My one-on-one sessions offer practical tools and tailored strategies to help you reach your goals. Don’t wait—schedule a session today and take the first step toward your goals!

In the final stage of DARVO—Reverse Victim and Offender—manipulators shift the narrative to portray themselves as the victim, casting blame on the real victim. This insidious tactic often leaves survivors questioning their reality and struggling to regain control over their story. In this blog, we’ll explore how this phase works, why it’s so effective, and how you can spot and counteract these role-reversal tactics.

This blog is part of a series exploring the DARVO manipulation tactic. If you’re just joining us, be sure to check out the earlier articles: 

Understanding DARVO: The Tactics of Denial and Manipulation, 

The Denial Phase: How Manipulators Gaslight Their Victims, and 

The Attack Phase: Defending Against Character Assassination. 

Each article builds on the last to help you understand and protect yourself from these harmful behaviors.

Understanding the Role Reversal Tactic

When manipulative individuals face accountability, they may claim victimhood to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By reversing the roles of victim and offender, they aim to:

• Garner sympathy: Encouraging others to align with them emotionally.

• Discredit the real victim: Suggesting the victim is overreacting or even responsible for the situation.

• Deflect accountability: Shifting the focus away from their harmful behavior.

This stage builds on the earlier phases of DARVO—denial and attack—culminating in a full reversal of the truth.

Understanding the Psychological Impact of Role Reversal

Role reversal tactics don’t just distort the truth—they often leave lasting psychological scars. When a manipulator successfully convinces others that they are the victim, the real victim may experience:

• Self-Doubt: Questioning their memory, perceptions, and even their own morality.

• Isolation: Losing support from friends or family who believe the manipulator’s narrative.

• Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling trapped in a never-ending cycle of defending their truth.

Recognizing this pattern can be the first step toward breaking free and regaining emotional equilibrium.

Examples of Role Reversal in Action

These scenarios illustrate how the tactic plays out:

Gaslighting to Establish Credibility

The manipulator may frame their actions as misunderstood or as efforts to help, painting themselves as the misunderstood hero.

Example: "I only said those things because I care, and now I’m being attacked for trying to help."

Playing the Martyr

By emphasizing their sacrifices, manipulators cast the victim as ungrateful or overly critical.

Example: "After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?"

Weaponizing Vulnerability

They may use their past struggles as an excuse, subtly positioning themselves as incapable of harm.

Example: "You know I’ve been through a lot. I’d never do what you’re accusing me of."

Why It’s So Effective

The manipulator's ability to project victimhood can be convincing, especially when they leverage social biases like believing people in authority or trusting someone’s outward appearance. When coupled with gaslighting and character attacks, it can create a web of confusion for the real victim and observers.

How to Spot and Counter Role Reversal

• Look for Patterns

Is this person frequently at the center of conflict but always claims to be the victim?

• Analyze the Evidence

Consider the facts: who initiated the behavior, and what are the consequences?

• Seek Support

Trusted friends, family, or therapists can help you process and validate your experiences.

• Set Boundaries

Don’t engage in attempts to justify or explain your actions; this fuels the manipulator’s narrative.

• Document Your Experience

Keep a record of events to ensure your truth remains clear to you and others.

Reclaiming Your Power

Role reversal tactics can be devastating, but understanding how they work can empower you to stand firm in your truth. You deserve to be seen, heard and believed for what you’ve experienced.

Why Education Is Key

The more familiar you are with tactics like DARVO, the better equipped you are to navigate complex interpersonal dynamics. Understanding these behaviors doesn’t just protect you—it also empowers others in your life to recognize and resist manipulation.

If this resonates with you and you feel overwhelmed, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Schedule a free consultation with me to process these complex emotions and reclaim your sense of clarity and strength.

When it comes to relationships and marriage, many people hold on to the hope of achieving an ideal partnership where everything feels perfect: a hot romance, deep friendship, open communication, successful careers, and even parenting as a seamless team. It’s easy to look at the highlight reels of others and think that you should have it all right now. However, this perspective can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy when real life doesn’t quite measure up.

The truth is, while all these qualities are essential for a strong and lasting relationship, realistically, you only have the bandwidth to focus on about three at any given time. This concept, which I learned from an inspiring professor, perfectly captures the ebb and flow of relationships throughout the different seasons of life.

Let’s explore this idea together and break down how your relationship priorities may shift over the years—and why that’s not only okay but a natural and healthy part of building a fulfilling partnership.

The 5 Essential Qualities of a Strong Marriage

To build a loving, connected, and lasting marriage, there are five key qualities that truly matter:

Hot Romance—The passion and excitement that bring energy and intimacy to the relationship.

Abiding Friendship—A solid foundation built on companionship, trust, and shared experiences.

Quality Communication—The ability to express needs, work through conflicts, and deeply connect..

Parenting Together—Cooperating as a team to raise children and navigate family responsibilities.

Supporting Successful Careers—Encouraging each other’s professional ambitions and navigating work-life balance.

These qualities are all essential, but expecting to maintain all five at the same time is simply not realistic. Relationships, like life, have seasons—and in each season, your priorities will shift. The beauty of this is that you can have all of these qualities over the course of a lifetime, just not simultaneously.

Let’s look at how this can play out across the different stages of a relationship.

Early Years: Romance, Friendship, and Communication

In the early years of a relationship—often referred to as the honeymoon phase—it’s common for couples to focus on:

• Hot Romance

• Abiding Friendship

• Quality Communication

This phase is characterized by passion, connection, and the joy of learning more about one another. Without the pressures of children or significant financial demands, there is space for couples to prioritize intimacy, companionship, and deep conversations. It’s a time for laughter, adventure, and laying the foundation for a strong partnership.

However, as life evolves, demands on time and energy inevitably increase. While the romance may not disappear entirely, it may take a back seat to other priorities.

Career-Building Years: Friendship, Communication, and Careers

As careers progress and job demands increase, many couples experience a shift. The top three priorities often become:

• Supporting Successful Careers

• Abiding Friendship

• Quality Communication

During this season, couples may sacrifice some of the fiery romance to focus on building their professional lives, achieving financial stability, and supporting each other’s ambitions. This is a natural and healthy adjustment—it doesn’t mean the romance is gone forever. Instead, couples learn how to nurture their friendship and communication while working together toward long-term goals.

It’s important to remember that careers can be fulfilling, but they also require energy. Maintaining strong communication and friendship during this stage helps ensure that both partners feel supported and connected.

Growing Family Years: Parenting, Communication, and Friendship

When children enter the picture, the priorities often shift again. For many couples, the focus becomes:

• Parenting Together

• Quality Communication

• Abiding Friendship

Parenting is a monumental task that requires teamwork, patience, and sacrifice. During this season, couples may feel stretched thin as they balance work, household responsibilities, and raising children. Romance may naturally cool, and careers might take a temporary back seat to focus on family needs.

What’s most important here is maintaining quality communication and friendship. These two elements act as anchors during the busy, chaotic years of raising a family. Even if date nights are rare and passion isn’t at its peak, the strength of your bond as friends and partners will carry you through.

Empty Nest and Later Years: Friendship, Communication, and Rediscovered Romance

As children grow and leave home, couples often find themselves in a new season of life—one that offers opportunities to shift priorities once again. According to research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman at the renowned Love Lab in Seattle, friendship is the most essential quality for a successful relationship in the later years.

With friendship as the foundation, couples can then choose two additional qualities to prioritize, such as:

• Hot Romance and Quality Communication OR

• Supporting Successful Careers and Quality Communication

For some couples, this is a time to rekindle passion and rediscover intimacy after years of focusing on careers or parenting. For others, it’s a time to support one another’s personal or professional goals. Regardless of the focus, communication and friendship remain the cornerstones of a strong partnership.

When Life Throws Curveballs: Parenting Together (Again)

Even in the later years, unexpected challenges may arise. If an adult child begins to struggle—whether it’s with health issues, relationships, or life transitions—the need for parenting together may return. During this time, one of the other priorities may need to take a back seat temporarily.

The key to navigating these curveballs is flexibility and understanding. Life is unpredictable, but a strong relationship can adapt and thrive as long as both partners remain committed to one another.

Embracing the Seasons of Your Relationship

The idea that you can’t focus on all five qualities at once might feel unsettling at first, especially if you hold yourself to unrealistic standards. But when you shift your perspective, you’ll see that this is a freeing and compassionate way to view your relationship. You can have it all—just not all at the same time.

Relationships are living, breathing entities that change and grow over time. By focusing on the top three priorities that make the most sense for your current season, you allow your relationship to flourish. And as life evolves, so too can your focus.

A Lifetime of Connection

A fulfilling marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about being adaptable, supportive, and understanding as life shifts and priorities change. The five essential qualities—romance, friendship, communication, parenting, and careers—will each take their turn at center stage.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated or stuck, take a step back and ask: What are our top three priorities right now? Understanding and accepting the natural seasons of your relationship can help you let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace the beauty of the journey.

Over a lifetime, you can have all five qualities—and that’s something truly worth celebrating.

Need Support in Your Relationship?

If you’re struggling to navigate the shifting seasons of your relationship or need help setting realistic expectations, I’m here to help. Whether you’re looking to reconnect with your partner, improve communication, or work through a challenge, schedule a session with me today. Let’s work together to create a strong, loving, and fulfilling relationship that stands the test of time. 

Schedule a Session Today. 

Do you feel stuck, confused, or lost—unsure of the next step in your life? Jodell, a compassionate therapist with over 15 years of experience, is here to help you bridge the gap between what isn’t working and the life you’ve been dreaming of. At LifeBridge Therapy, Jodell specializes in guiding individuals and couples toward clarity, healing, and transformation.

What Makes Jodell’s Practice Unique?

One of the standout features of Jodell’s practice is her use of an intensive therapy model. While she offers traditional weekly therapy sessions for adults and couples, she also provides transformative 3 ½-day intensives for individuals, couples, or groups. These intensives allow clients to dive deep into their personal growth journey over a long weekend, accelerating the healing process that might otherwise take months or years of weekly sessions.

The Power of Connection and Community

Jodell firmly believes in the power of healing through relationships. Recognizing that connection is essential, she offers group therapy and the LifeBridge Cohort. The cohort is a unique opportunity for clients to participate in quarterly group workshops, ensuring they have ongoing support as they take meaningful steps forward in their lives. Finding safe and supportive communities was pivotal in Jodell’s own healing journey, and she is passionate about creating those spaces for others.

Introducing the Murray Method: A Game-Changer for Growth

Jodell’s practice is anchored in the Murray Method, a structured approach designed to help individuals achieve balance—physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. This method addresses the impact of trauma, abuse, neglect, and defense mechanisms, helping clients overcome distorted thinking and unhealthy emotional patterns.

As a certified Murray Method instructor, personally mentored by its creator Marilyn Murray, Jodell is part of a small travel team of instructors who helps Marilyn facilitate trainings throughout the United States.  Jodell facilitates Level I and Level II trainings for those seeking personal and professional development. She lives by the principles of the Murray Method, modeling the healthy balance she helps her clients and trainees achieve.  She has an upcoming Level I training in January 2025 for those interested in pursuing deeper levels of personal healing and adding to their professional toolkit in the New Year.  

Jodell’s Personal Journey to Transformation

Jodell’s passion for helping others stems from her own powerful journey of healing. Raised in a rigid and controlling environment, she struggled with codependency, perfectionism, and unhealthy boundaries. By her early 30s, Jodell realized her life was no longer sustainable. Therapy and intensive work changed her life, giving her the tools and insights to create meaningful change. Now, she is dedicated to streamlining that process for others, helping them find transformation faster and more effectively.

Is an Intensive or Training Right for You?

Whether you’re just beginning to see the bridge to a better life or you’ve been on your healing journey for a while and feel stuck, Jodell’s approach can help you take the next steps with confidence. Her intensives and trainings are ideal for those ready to:

• Gain greater self-awareness.

• Heal from trauma or unhealthy relational patterns.

• Build healthy boundaries and a balanced life.

• Participate in a supportive community for lasting change.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

If you’re ready to transform your life, Jodell at LifeBridge Therapy is here to guide you. Reach out today to explore whether an intensive, training, or cohort is the right fit for you. You don’t have to navigate the path alone—Jodell will walk with you every step of the way.

Contact Jodell
Email: jodell@lifebridgetherapy.net
Phone: 682-233-3348

Start your journey to the life you’ve been longing for. 

Take the first step and connect with Jodell today—your bridge to a better life awaits!

In the helping professions—military, first responders, and healthcare workers—there’s a shared commitment to serving others during their most challenging times. Whether you’re running into danger, saving lives, or supporting those in crisis, your work demands extraordinary strength and resilience.

But beneath this strength, many helping professionals carry their own burdens from the past. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are common, impactful, and often remain unspoken. These experiences—ranging from childhood abuse or neglect to growing up in households with instability or trauma—can leave lasting marks. The truth is, these things happened to you, not because of you, and they do not define who you are. Curious what your number is? Take the quiz here. Then watch this video. 

The Impact of ACEs on Helping Professionals

If you’ve experienced ACEs, you’re not alone. Many helping professionals are drawn to their fields because of a deep-seated desire to make a difference—sometimes born from their own experiences of hardship. While this can be a source of strength, unresolved ACEs can also create vulnerabilities, particularly in high-stress, high-stakes environments.

The stress response system shaped by ACEs might leave you more susceptible to burnout, compassion fatigue, or difficulties managing emotional triggers. These are not signs of weakness but understandable outcomes of your body and mind trying to protect you from past pain.

Survivors, Not Victims

It’s important to recognize that you are not a victim of your experiences—you are a survivor. You’ve already demonstrated incredible resilience by choosing to serve others. But resilience isn’t just about surviving; it’s also about thriving. By addressing the impact of ACEs, you can unlock a greater sense of well-being, strength, and fulfillment in both your personal and professional life.

The Importance of Doing Your Own Work

To effectively care for others, it’s essential to care for yourself. Carrying unresolved ACEs into your work can create challenges not just for you, but for the people you aim to help. By dedicating time to your own healing and resilience, you’re not only prioritizing your well-being but also setting a powerful example of self-care for your peers and the communities you serve.

Building Resilience

The effects of ACEs don’t have to dictate your future. Resilience—the ability to adapt, recover, and grow stronger in the face of adversity—can be cultivated at any time. Through strategies like mindfulness, supportive relationships, and tailored therapeutic approaches, you can rewrite your story.

Doing this work doesn’t erase the past, but it can help you transform the way it impacts your present and future. You have the power to break cycles of stress and create new paths of healing, strength, and connection.

Let’s Take the Next Step Together

If you’ve found yourself thinking, I want to understand my story better or I need support to strengthen my resilience, I’m here to help. Together, we can develop a personalized plan to work through the effects of ACEs and build the resilience you need to thrive—in both your personal life and your role as a helping professional.

Take the first step today by scheduling a consultation. Let’s work together to ensure that your past no longer holds you back and that your future is guided by hope, strength, and empowerment.

You’ve been a hero for so many. Now, it’s time to be a hero for yourself.

In the previous article, we explored the first phase of DARVO: denial, where manipulators gaslight and dismiss any accusations against them. In this blog, we’ll dive into the second phase—attack. This phase is where the manipulator shifts from simply denying wrongdoing to actively attacking the victim's character in an attempt to discredit them and maintain control. Understanding this phase is crucial in recognizing and protecting yourself from abusive tactics.

What Is the Attack Phase?

During the attack phase, the manipulator moves from passive denial to an active assault on the victim’s credibility and character. This isn’t just about diverting attention away from their own behavior; it’s about turning the tables entirely. The manipulator seeks to undermine the victim's reputation, portray them as unstable or untrustworthy, and rally others to their side. It’s a calculated move designed to instill doubt in anyone who might support the victim and to isolate the victim further.

Key Tactics Used in the Attack Phase:

• Character Assassination:

  • The manipulator may spread lies, rumors, or exaggerated stories about the victim to paint them in a negative light. This can involve personal attacks on their mental stability, credibility, or past behavior.

  • Phrases like "They’re always so dramatic," or "You can’t trust anything they say; they’re just out to get me," are common ways to discredit the victim.

• Playing the Martyr:

  • The manipulator may claim they’re being unjustly accused or persecuted, framing themselves as the victim in the situation. This tactic, combined with attacking the real victim, serves to muddy the waters of what actually happened.

  • They may say things like, "I can’t believe they would accuse me of this; I’ve done so much for them."

• Isolating the Victim:

  • By turning others against the victim, the manipulator aims to isolate them from their support network. The goal is to create a narrative where the victim appears to be the aggressor, making it harder for the victim to find allies and support.

Defending Against Character Assassination

Experiencing the attack phase can be incredibly distressing. Here are some ways to protect yourself and defend against these manipulative tactics:

• Stay Grounded in Your Reality:

  • Remind yourself of the facts and your own experiences. When someone is attacking your character, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or doubt yourself. Documenting specific incidents can help you maintain clarity.

• Seek Support:

  • Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can help validate your experience. A strong support system is essential for maintaining your confidence and sense of reality.

• Set Boundaries:

  • Establish clear boundaries with the manipulator. Refuse to engage in conversations or arguments that are purely designed to attack your character. You have the right to step away from situations where you feel unsafe or disrespected.

• Don’t Engage Publicly:

  • While it may be tempting to defend yourself publicly or retaliate, this often plays into the manipulator’s hands, making you appear reactive and unstable. Instead, focus on maintaining your integrity and seeking private, safe spaces to process your emotions.

The Attack Phase and Similar Tactics

The attack phase in DARVO closely mirrors parts of the 5 D’s of Avoiding Accountability (Deflect, Discredit) and the 3 Golden Rules of Lying and Deception (Deny everything, Make counter-accusations). In both of these manipulation strategies, the aggressor focuses on tearing down the credibility of anyone who challenges them, shifting the focus away from their own wrongdoing. By recognizing these overlapping tactics, you can better protect yourself and see through the manipulator’s smokescreen.

If This Feels Overwhelming, Help Is Available

The attack phase of DARVO can be emotionally exhausting and deeply painful. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to navigate these situations, I’m here to support you. Schedule a free consultation to process what you’re experiencing, gain clarity, and start your healing journey. You don’t have to face this alone.

Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that time seemed to fly by, and you felt completely immersed in what you were doing? This experience is often referred to as being in a "flow state." Coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the flow state is a highly focused mental state where individuals are fully absorbed in an activity, leading to heightened creativity, productivity, and satisfaction. Flow isn't just for productivity and creativity. Flow state can have a beautiful impact on our spiritual lives. Whirrling Dervishes utilize flow in meditation by allowing themselves to be carried away by spinning thus achieving spiritual enlightenment through this altered state of consciousness. 

What is Flow State?

Flow state, sometimes described as being "in the zone," occurs when you are deeply engaged in an activity that challenges you just enough to keep you interested but not so much that it becomes frustrating. It's a delicate balance between skill and challenge. When you're in a flow state, your mind and body work seamlessly together, allowing you to experience:

Complete Focus: Your attention is entirely on the task at hand, and distractions fade away.

Timelessness: You lose track of time because you are so absorbed in the activity.

Effortless Action: The activity feels easy and natural, even when it requires significant effort or skill.

Intrinsic Motivation: The joy of the activity itself is motivating; external rewards like money or recognition are secondary.

How Can You Achieve Flow?

Achieving flow requires specific conditions, as outlined by Csikszentmihalyi. To enter a flow state, you should:

Choose an Activity You Enjoy: It's easier to enter a flow state when you are doing something you find intrinsically rewarding. This could be anything from painting to solving complex problems at work.

Set Clear Goals: Having clear objectives helps maintain focus and provides a sense of direction. Even if the goal is simply to enjoy the process, defining it can enhance your experience.

Match the Challenge to Your Skill Level: The task should be challenging enough to engage your skills but not so difficult that it leads to anxiety. If it's too easy, you might become bored instead of achieving flow.

Minimize Distractions: Create an environment conducive to deep work. Turning off notifications and setting aside uninterrupted time can help you fully immerse yourself in the task.

Most Popular Physical Activities for Achieving Flow

• Running

• Swimming

• Rockclimbing

• Yoga

• Playing musical instruments

• Dance

The Benefits of Flow State

Entering a flow state has several mental and emotional benefits:

Increased Productivity: Because you are deeply focused, you can accomplish more in less time.

Enhanced Creativity: Flow state can boost creative thinking, allowing you to solve problems in novel ways.

Improved Well-being: Engaging in activities that bring you into flow can increase feelings of happiness and fulfillment.

Skill Development: Repeatedly challenging yourself within your skill level can help you grow and improve over time.

Research supports the positive impact of flow on performance and well-being. A study by Nakamura and Csikszentmihalyi (2009) highlighted how individuals who frequently experience flow tend to report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction.

How to Use Flow State in Your Personal and Professional Life

Whether you are an artist, athlete, or business professional, achieving flow can help you perform at your best. It can also be a powerful tool for improving your mental health and overall satisfaction. Here are a few tips for incorporating flow into your daily life:

Identify Activities that Trigger Flow: Think about the moments when you felt most engaged and productive. What were you doing? Incorporate similar activities into your routine.

Practice Mindfulness: Being present in the moment can help you focus and enter a flow state more easily.

Create Rituals: Develop habits or rituals that signal to your brain that it’s time to focus, such as a specific workspace setup or a pre-task routine.

Ready to Find Your Flow?

If you’re interested in exploring how to achieve flow in your personal and professional life, schedule a free consultation with me today. Together, we can work on strategies to help you unlock your potential, boost your productivity, and enhance your well-being.

References

Nakamura, J., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2009). Flow theory and research. Handbook of Positive Psychology, 195-206.

When a relationship reaches a tipping point, couples often feel a mixture of confusion, heartache, and even fear about what lies ahead. This uncertainty can be especially heavy when one partner feels committed to working on the relationship, while the other is unsure or leaning toward separation. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing what’s called a “mixed-agenda” relationship. Discernment counseling was developed specifically for couples like yours, offering a structured, compassionate space to explore your options.

In this article, I’ll introduce discernment counseling, what to expect in sessions, and how it can help you gain clarity and confidence during this emotional time.

What is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is a brief, targeted approach designed for couples who are contemplating the future of their relationship. It’s not traditional couples therapy aimed at solving problems and enhancing connection; rather, discernment counseling offers a process for evaluating the relationship and considering three potential paths forward:

• Status Quo - Staying in the relationship as it currently is

• Divorce - Choosing to end the marriage

• Reconciliation - Committing to couples therapy for at least six months with a focus on improving the relationship

This type of counseling typically lasts only one to five sessions. Rather than diving into long-term problem-solving, the focus is on understanding each partner’s feelings, needs, and goals to reach a clear, confident decision on the best path forward.

How Discernment Counseling Sessions Work

In each discernment counseling session, you’ll work with a trained therapist who acts as a neutral guide, giving space to both partners individually and as a couple. Here’s a closer look at what you can expect:

Individual Sessions

During the individual portion of each session, you’ll have the chance to speak privately with the therapist about your feelings, concerns, and hopes for the relationship. This time allows each partner to reflect deeply without worrying about their partner’s immediate reaction. It’s a safe, judgment-free space where you can honestly express what you’re experiencing.

Joint Sessions

In the joint session, the therapist brings both partners together, facilitating open discussion about why each of you is considering different paths. By exploring these feelings together, you’ll gain a better understanding of each other’s perspectives. The therapist’s role is to keep the discussion balanced and productive, ensuring that both voices are heard and respected.

Why Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling is designed for couples on the brink of separation, but it offers benefits beyond decision-making. Here’s what it can help with:

• Clarity and Confidence – Couples often feel stuck in a cycle of indecision, not fully committed to staying together but also uncertain about leaving. Discernment counseling provides a structured space to sort through these feelings.

• Understanding Motivations – By exploring the reasons behind each partner’s position, couples can gain a deeper understanding of what’s driving their disconnection.

• Identifying Patterns – This approach can reveal recurring issues that may have contributed to the current crossroads, helping both partners see their roles in the relationship’s struggles.

• Reassurance of Options – Discernment counseling emphasizes that maintaining the status quo is a valid choice, as long as it is made with confidence. Knowing that you have options can reduce the pressure to make an immediate, drastic decision.

Contraindications: When Discernment Counseling May Not Be the Right Fit

While discernment counseling can be highly beneficial for many couples, there are situations where a different approach might be better. It may not be appropriate if:

• One partner is unwilling to participate – Both partners need to be open to the process for it to be effective.

• There is ongoing abuse – In cases of abuse, safety is the top priority, and discernment counseling may not address the urgent need for protection.

• There is already a clear decision – If one partner is fully committed to ending the relationship and unwilling to consider alternatives, discernment counseling may not provide the needed support.

The Benefits of Discernment Counseling

• Structured and Brief – With discernment counseling typically limited to about five sessions, it offers a quicker path to clarity compared to traditional therapy.

• Guided Exploration – Couples can work through this emotionally charged time with a trained professional who remains neutral and focused on each partner’s well-being.

• Empowerment in Decision-Making – By the end of discernment counseling, couples often feel more confident about their next steps, whether that means working on the relationship, ending it, or maintaining the status quo with renewed understanding.

How to Get Started with Discernment Counseling

If you’re interested in exploring discernment counseling, the first step is reaching out to schedule a session with a trained therapist who specializes in this approach. This initial session can help you determine if discernment counseling feels right for your unique situation. Together, we can assess your needs, discuss the process in more detail, and help you start down a path that leads to greater clarity and peace of mind.

Take the First Step Today

Navigating the crossroads of a relationship can feel isolating and overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. I’m here to help you find clarity, confidence, and a path forward. If you’re ready to start exploring your options with discernment counseling, reach out to schedule a session today. Together, we can find a way forward that feels right for you.

As we continue our exploration of DARVO—a manipulation tactic often used to avoid accountability—this blog will focus on the first stage: denial. The denial phase is not only about dismissing the wrongdoing but often includes gaslighting, a tactic designed to distort the victim’s reality and make them question their own experiences. Understanding this initial phase of DARVO is critical in recognizing when someone might be using these tactics to manipulate or evade responsibility in a relationship. 

Want to catch up with the first article in this series? Click here.  

What Happens During the Denial Phase?

In the denial phase, a manipulator actively rejects any acknowledgment of the wrongdoing they’ve committed. Denial may take many forms, including minimizing the harm done, denying specific behaviors, or asserting that the victim is “overreacting.” Often, it involves outright gaslighting—a tactic intended to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception, and even sanity.

Some common behaviors during the denial phase include:

Minimizing or Invalidating Feelings: The manipulator may tell the victim they’re “too sensitive” or “misinterpreting things,” leaving the victim questioning if their feelings are valid.

Flat-Out Denial: Denial may take the form of “That never happened,” even when there’s clear evidence to the contrary, creating confusion and a sense of powerlessness for the victim.

Shifting Blame: In some cases, the manipulator may shift the blame onto the victim, suggesting that the victim’s actions led to the behavior or made the issue worse.

In essence, denial is a shield that manipulators use to protect themselves from accountability, attempting to make the victim believe they are the problem. This pattern can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt as the victim struggles to reconcile their experiences with the manipulator’s assertions.

Denial and Gaslighting: A Powerful Combination

Gaslighting in the denial phase goes beyond denying the facts—it’s about rewriting reality. Through repeated and insistent denial, a manipulator can make the victim question their perception of events. This not only serves to avoid accountability but often isolates the victim, as they may feel they can’t trust their own judgment.

For instance, a manipulator might say:

“You’re imagining things. I never did that.”

“You’re just trying to cause problems.”

“Why are you always so dramatic about everything?”

These statements can lead the victim to question their own memory and doubt their ability to accurately recall events, setting the stage for the abuser to maintain control in the relationship.

DARVO's Denial Phase Compared to Other Manipulative Tactics

The denial phase of DARVO is closely related to tactics like the 5 D’s of Avoiding Accountability (Deny, Deflect, Discredit, Distance, Demand proof) and the 3 Golden Rules of Lying and Deception (Admit nothing, Deny everything, Make counter-accusations). Each of these tactics, like DARVO, share a foundational component: denial. While DARVO involves denial as part of a larger strategy, the 5 D’s and 3 Golden Rules focus almost entirely on avoiding responsibility at any cost.

Recognizing Denial in Relationships

It’s essential to be aware of denial as a red flag in any relationship. If you’re constantly second-guessing your own feelings or perceptions because your partner, friend, or family member denies any wrongdoing or shifts the blame back onto you, you may be experiencing DARVO.

If This Feels Overwhelming, You Don’t Have to Navigate It Alone

The denial phase of DARVO can be a challenging and overwhelming experience to process, especially if you’ve been gaslighted or made to question your own reality. If you find yourself struggling with these patterns or feeling uncertain about your experiences, please consider scheduling a session with me. I am here to support you, help you regain your confidence, and guide you through understanding and healing from manipulative dynamics.

My business is Thriving Life Mentoring & Coaching, and I serve people in two related but distinct approaches when working with clients: 1) men’s mentoring and 2) life coaching for men and women. 

So, what is men’s mentoring? 

A basic definition of mentoring from pushfar.com is the process of “someone sharing their knowledge, skills, and experience to help another person progress.” While I do utilize knowledge and experience to mentor men, I have a “coach approach” when I mentor men.  

Mentoring with a coach approach means I approach mentoring as a coach would, asking the question: what are my client’s needs and how can I best serve him at his point of need? I also use aspects of the coaching mindset and skillset in my men’s mentoring (see below in the life coaching section). I use a highly relational approach to address underlying beliefs so that there can be transformation on a deeper level. 

Now, what is life coaching?

The ICF (International Coaching Federation) defines life coaching this way: “coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” 

In life coaching, the coaching mindset entails seeing a client as the one in the “driver’s seat” while I serve as the “navigator” guiding him or her to resolve challenges and fulfill goals. The coaching skillset includes skills such as asking thought-provoking questions, evoking awareness, active listening, encouragement, support, reflection, and laser sharp summaries.

Who are my clients?

My clients are individuals who are aware that he or she has challenges and difficulties but is not sure how to move forward. Perhaps he or she feels lost, stuck, or confused. Ideally, clients also have the motivation to change. I work with those who have addiction and mental health issues provided they are sufficiently stable to make good use of mentoring/coaching. 

What inspired me to start this business?

In 2018, I faced a personal crisis that shook me to my core. Although I had previously had plenty of my own therapy, I found myself at a loss. Around this time, I learned about men’s mentoring. I ended up working with my first men’s relationship mentor and a spark was lit! I remember thinking, “I’d love to work with a man one-on-one in this way one day in the future!” 

I ended up being part of two different men’s mentoring communities between 2019-2024 and did some apprentice mentoring in one of them. I then pursued formal life coaching training in the spring of 2023. I was hooked! Not only did I learn the similarities and differences between mentoring and life coaching, but I fell in love with these approaches to helping people! 

About Me

I faced a lot of challenges when I was young. Perhaps these experiences – combined with an inquisitive, analytical, and curious nature – spurred me on to look into mental health as a field of interest. I thus have worked as a child and adolescent psychiatrist for the last sixteen years. 

As a psychiatrist, I have also worked with adults for several years in both the private practice and university-based settings (Southern Methodist University). Currently, I work as a child/adolescent psychiatrist strictly on a contract basis for Dallas Independent School District. 

I have also had personal therapy over the years and have experience in personal twelve-step recovery work. I also have done some trauma training. 

I see my work as a mentor and coach as a natural evolution in my journey of growing as a professional, and it aligns well with my gifts, abilities, experience, background, and calling.

I continue to grow as a mentor and coach by continuing my own personal spiritual journey and men’s work along with reading, learning, continuing education, engaging men in community group settings, and actively receiving ongoing coaching myself. I also am seeking ICF (International Coaching Federation) credentialing as I gain experience in the field. 

I believe I bring a rather unique perspective and skillset with my background. Continuing to grow personally and professionally is an important personal value as I believe that those who guide others should be open to receiving ongoing guidance themselves.     

Some words I would use to describe my values when working with clients are: curiosity, empathy, humility, honesty, integrity, authenticity, and compassion.

Specifics of my Approaches

As a mentor and coach, I believe that each person deserves the utmost dignity and respect and that each person has the capacity for insight and change. I offer this within a space that is non-judgmental and supportive but also challenging to foster insight and inspire growth.

I aim to meet clients at their points of need rather than using a pre-scripted “cookie cutter” approach, and I pull from knowledge in mental health and the field of coaching/mentoring when working with clients.  I offer a faith-based perspective for those interested.

To elaborate on men’s mentoring, I use the 7 C’s approach when working with a man. Usually, a man comes to me with some level of conflict or crisis.

So, my first aim is to:

(1) help him face the crisis and use it as an opportunity for personal growth. 

Subsequent steps involve: 

(2) helping him calm himself down, 

(3) getting clear on how he got to where he is, 

(4) clarifying and pursuing character through core values work, 

(5) gaining courage in living out his values, 

(6) seeking consistency of new habits and actions arising out of those values, and 

(7) learning to live from the core of who he is meant to be. 

The ultimate goal is to help a man move towards thriving in marriage, relationships, and life. 

The specific way I do this involves understanding the underlying beliefs that influence the way a man thinks, speaks, and behaves. This process involves exposing unhealthy, unhelpful thinking and beliefs while also helping a man develop more healthy, life-giving beliefs that eventually lead to better results in life. I also help a man clarify and articulate his personal core values so that he has clearer convictions with which to live life. Lastly, I then encourage him to live out those values in a consistent way so he can thrive in life!  

For life coaching, I use a coaching mindset and skillset (as described in detail above) to provide coaching around any topic, problem, or challenge that someone is facing. My focus is client-centered, and I work with men and women using this approach. 

One coaching client remarked recently that working with me is like “rock climbing…with a trusted friend on belay. While I climb, the belay man encourages me, watches for danger, holds my safety line, and listens to me describe what I am thinking of doing next.” These words encourage me, as I strongly believe in helping clients fulfill their potential as human beings. 

As a lifelong learner and someone devoted to mastering his craft, I actively encourage clients to provide feedback on what they need and how I can improve in serving them. I also provide post-service evaluation forms and welcome feedback so I can meet the needs of clients more effectively and with excellence.

A book I like to recommend to my mentoring clients is “Hold on to Your NUTs” by Wayne Levine as it helps men to understand and articulate their NUTs, or non-negotiable unalterable terms (personal core values). It was my first read when I first worked with a men’s mentor years ago.

“Some people don’t know who they are, where they come from, how to love themselves, or what to do with their lives. My mission is to help them know Whose they are and Who they are, so that they can love themselves and know what to do with their lives on their way to THRIVING the hell (literally and metaphorically) out of their lives!” - Sean

Personal life

I love reading, walking, playing pickleball, spending time with my family, and engaging in spiritual disciplines like prayer, journaling, and reflection. I also practice self-care by seeking to take care of myself spiritually, mentally, relationally, and physically. I am also involved with my local church and serve on a regular basis.

Reach out if you’d like to learn more!

If any of this sounds interesting, set up a FREE, no obligation, confidential 45-minute session (by Zoom or phone) for us to discuss what kind of help you or a loved one is looking for, and we can decide if we’re a fit for each other!

Schedule a Zoom call here:

https://calendly.com/sean-mathew-23/45-minute-mentoring-coaching-free-consultation

Schedule a phone call here:

https://calendly.com/sean-mathew-23/45-min-mentoring-coaching-free-consultation

To learn more about me, check out my website at Home - Thriving Life Mentoring and Coaching (thrivinglifeguide.com). Check out my resources page and feel free to sign up for my email newsletter which I will be starting in October 2024!

When we step forward to voice our concerns or emotions, the last thing we expect is to feel like the wrongdoer. Unfortunately, this twisted turnaround is a common experience for many dealing with manipulative individuals, often through a tactic known as DARVO—an acronym for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. This blog is the first in a series that will delve deep into DARVO, helping you recognize, understand, and stand strong against this manipulative strategy.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is a psychological manipulation tactic often employed by perpetrators when confronted with their harmful actions. This approach is designed to flip the script, leaving the true victim feeling at fault. The process involves three steps:

1. Deny: The manipulator refuses to acknowledge their actions or their impact. They may outright deny the behavior or minimize it, effectively gaslighting the victim into questioning their reality.

2. Attack: Next, the manipulator shifts from defense to offense, attacking the victim’s character, motivations, or mental state. This can take the form of subtle undermining remarks or overt accusations, all aimed at discrediting the victim and deflecting attention away from the manipulator’s wrongdoing.

3. Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, the manipulator plays the victim, portraying themselves as the one who’s been wronged. This not only absolves them of responsibility but also paints the actual victim as the aggressor, adding to their sense of confusion and self-doubt.

Similar Strategies: The 5 D’s and The 3 Golden Rules of Lying

If DARVO doesn’t ring a bell, you might be more familiar with other, similar manipulative tactics like "The 5 D’s of Avoiding Accountability" and "The 3 Golden Rules of Lying and Deception."

• The 5 D’s of Avoiding Accountability: Deny, Deflect, Discredit, Distance Yourself, and Demand Proof. These steps map closely onto DARVO, highlighting the manipulator's playbook of evasion and blame-shifting.

• The 3 Golden Rules of Lying and Deception: Admit nothing, Deny everything, Make counter-accusations. This aligns closely with DARVO’s third step, where the manipulator denies their actions and makes the true victim appear guilty.

Why DARVO Works

DARVO is not just an accidental reaction; it’s often a calculated strategy. When a manipulator denies their actions, attacks the victim, and reverses the roles of victim and offender, it creates a whirlwind of confusion and self-doubt. This tactic can be particularly effective because it preys on the victim's vulnerability and desire for resolution. Without understanding DARVO, victims can feel trapped in a cycle of self-blame and invalidation.

What's Next in This Series?

This blog series will continue to explore DARVO in-depth, including:

• Recognizing DARVO in Relationships: Identifying when DARVO is at play and understanding how it can undermine your self-esteem and sense of reality.

• How to Protect Yourself from DARVO Manipulation: Practical strategies for maintaining your emotional health and standing your ground when faced with DARVO.

• DARVO vs. Accountability: Understanding the differences between genuine accountability and DARVO tactics, and how to navigate these challenges in your relationships.

Understanding DARVO is the first step to breaking free from its grip. Whether you're dealing with DARVO, the 5 D’s, or the 3 Golden Rules of Lying, knowledge is your strongest ally. By becoming familiar with these tactics, you empower yourself to identify manipulation and maintain your sense of reality and self-worth. Stay tuned for the next blog in this series, where we’ll dive into DARVO’s presence in every day relationships and how you can navigate it effectively.

If This Feels Overwhelming, You're Not Alone

Learning about DARVO and other manipulative tactics can be heavy and overwhelming. If you feel like you need support in processing this information or suspect you’re experiencing these patterns in your relationships, please consider scheduling a session with me. I specialize in helping individuals navigate complex relationship dynamics and am here to support you in finding clarity and empowerment.

Apologies can be complex, and knowing how to accept one can be even more challenging. While the phrase "It's okay" is commonly used, it might not fully capture your feelings or acknowledge the situation's impact. In this blog, we’ll explore the benefits of accepting genuine apologies, how to forgive others, ways to accept an apology thoughtfully, and how to handle situations when you choose not to accept an apology. If you’re curious about the right way to apologize, be sure to check out my blog on how to offer a meaningful apology that truly makes amends.

The Benefits of Accepting a Genuine Apology

Accepting a sincere apology offers several benefits for both the person offering it and the one receiving it:

1. Healing and Closure: Accepting a genuine apology allows both parties to move forward. It provides an opportunity for emotional closure, reducing lingering resentment or misunderstanding.

2. Strengthening Relationships: Acknowledging an apology can help repair and strengthen the bond between you and the other person, fostering trust and understanding.

3. Personal Growth: It takes humility to accept an apology, especially if you’ve been deeply hurt. This act of grace can lead to personal growth, reinforcing your capacity for empathy and forgiveness.

4. Reduces Emotional Burden: Holding onto grudges can weigh heavily on your mental and emotional health. Accepting apologies can alleviate some of this burden, promoting emotional well-being.

The Benefits of Forgiving Others

Forgiveness goes hand in hand with accepting apologies but doesn’t always require it. Here are the key benefits of forgiveness:

1. Emotional Freedom: Forgiving someone frees you from the emotional chains of anger, bitterness, or resentment, allowing you to reclaim your peace.

2. Improved Well-being: Numerous studies have linked forgiveness with lower stress levels, reduced anxiety, and better overall mental health.

3. Enhanced Perspective: Forgiveness encourages you to see the situation from a broader perspective, often fostering compassion and understanding.

4. Empowerment: Forgiving someone, whether they’ve apologized or not, puts you back in control of your emotional landscape.

How to Accept Someone’s Apology

Accepting an apology doesn’t have to be a perfunctory “It’s okay.” Here are some thoughtful ways to accept an apology:

1. Acknowledge the Apology: Let the person know you’ve heard them. You can say, “Thank you for your apology,” or “I appreciate you taking the time to apologize.”

2. Express Your Feelings: If you’re comfortable, share how their actions affected you. This helps to validate your experience while also acknowledging their effort to make amends. For example, “I was really hurt by what happened, but I’m glad we’re talking about it now.”

3. Set Boundaries if Needed: If the apology involves a behavior that shouldn’t be repeated, gently set boundaries. You might say, “I accept your apology, and I’d like us to work on better communication in the future.”

4. Choose Your Words Thoughtfully: Instead of saying “It’s okay,” you could respond with phrases like:

   • “I appreciate your apology, and I’m ready to move forward.”

   • “Thank you for apologizing. I’m still processing everything, but I value our relationship.”

   • “I accept your apology, and I hope we can learn from this.”

5. Follow Up with Actions: Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Show through your behavior that you’re willing to move past the incident, such as by engaging positively with the person moving forward.

How to Gracefully Handle Situations When You Don’t Accept an Apology

There are times when accepting an apology isn’t appropriate, such as when the apology feels insincere or manipulative. Here’s how to handle these situations gracefully:

1. Identify the Issue: If the apology feels insincere and manipulative, or if the offending behavior continues, it’s okay not to accept it. Some signs of a disingenuous apology include a lack of accountability, shifting blame, or apologies given under duress.

2. Communicate Your Decision Calmly: If you choose not to accept the apology, do so calmly and clearly. You might say:

   • “I’m not ready to accept your apology right now.”

   • “I appreciate you reaching out, but I need more time to process what happened.”

   • “I don’t feel the apology addresses the real issue here.”

3. Set Clear Boundaries: Be clear about what you expect moving forward. This could mean asking for space, stating your needs, or explaining what kind of actions would demonstrate genuine change.

4. Maintain Respect and Composure: Even if you’re not accepting the apology, try to maintain a respectful and composed demeanor. This helps to keep the conversation constructive rather than escalating conflict.

5. Know When to Step Back: Sometimes, not accepting an apology means taking a step back from the relationship or interaction. If the apology was given to manipulate or pressure you, protecting your peace and well-being should take priority.

Final Thoughts

Accepting an apology isn’t just about the words you use; it’s about the intent and the actions that follow. Whether you choose to accept an apology or not, the key is to remain true to your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and approach the situation with grace and integrity. Apologies are opportunities for growth, healing, and, when appropriate, a fresh start.

If you’re feeling stuck with apologies, forgiveness, or the lack thereof, I’m here to help. Schedule a session with me, and we can work together to navigate these challenging emotions and find a path forward that feels right for you.

Relationships with our significant others can be some of the most fulfilling yet challenging connections in our lives. We often focus on our partner's shortcomings or what we feel is lacking, leading to frustration and misunderstandings. But what if we could shift our perspective to foster a deeper sense of gratitude, accountability, and connection in our relationship?

Enter Naikan therapy, a powerful tool that can help you and your partner see your relationship through a new lens. Originally developed as a form of self-reflection in Japan, Naikan therapy encourages you to examine your actions, your impact on others, and the support you receive. By applying these principles, you can cultivate a more balanced and appreciative dynamic with your significant other.

Applying Naikan Therapy to Your Relationship

Naikan therapy revolves around three simple yet profound questions that can bring clarity and understanding to your relationship:

1. What have I received from my partner?
   Reflect on the many ways your partner supports you, both big and small. This could include emotional support, daily acts of kindness, or even the comfort of their presence. For instance, remember the times your partner listened when you needed to vent, cooked your favorite meal, or simply offered a smile on a tough day. By acknowledging these moments, you can shift your focus from what's missing to what's already there, fostering gratitude.

2. What have I given to my partner?
   Consider your contributions to the relationship. Are you putting in the effort to make your partner feel valued and loved? This could be as simple as offering a kind word, doing a chore without being asked, or planning a thoughtful date. Reflecting on your actions can help you understand whether you’re nurturing the relationship or if there’s room to do more. It’s about balancing the scales of give and take, ensuring your partner feels appreciated too.

3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused my partner?
   This question asks you to take an honest look at the ways you may have contributed to conflict or hurt in the relationship. It’s not about blame but about understanding your role in the dynamics. Have you been dismissive, overly critical, or quick to anger? Recognizing these patterns allows you to take responsibility and opens the door to meaningful change and reconciliation.

Why These Questions Matter

These three questions guide you to reflect not just on what’s happening now, but on the entirety of your relationship’s journey. By regularly revisiting them, you can develop a habit of mindfulness and gratitude that transforms how you interact with your partner.

This process can be particularly beneficial when dealing with common relationship issues like:

• Miscommunication: Often, conflicts arise because we misunderstand each other’s intentions. Reflecting on what you receive and give can help you communicate more openly and listen more attentively.

• Taking Each Other for Granted: Over time, it's easy to overlook the small, everyday gestures that make your relationship special. By consciously acknowledging these acts, you can keep appreciation alive.

• Unresolved Conflicts: Holding onto past grievances can cloud your present interactions. Reflecting on the difficulties you've caused (and experienced) allows you to address them with empathy and a willingness to improve.

How Naikan Can Improve Your Connection

By adopting Naikan principles, couples can foster a deeper, more meaningful connection. Regularly engaging with these questions helps you to:

• Build Gratitude: Recognize and celebrate the positive aspects of your relationship, reinforcing the bond between you and your partner.

• Encourage Personal Accountability: Taking responsibility for your actions can reduce defensiveness and open up pathways for healing and growth.

• Enhance Empathy: Understanding your partner’s perspective and acknowledging your impact can foster compassion and a stronger emotional connection.

A Practical Step: Start with a Conversation

If you're ready to incorporate Naikan into your relationship, start by setting aside time to discuss these three questions with your partner. Make it a calm, distraction-free conversation where both of you can share openly. Listen actively, and use the insights gained to appreciate each other more deeply and address areas for growth.

For a more in-depth exploration of Naikan therapy, including its history and broader applications, be sure to check out my previous blog on Naikan therapy. This foundational understanding can further guide you in applying these reflections not just in your romantic relationship but across all areas of your life.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship?

If you’re interested in exploring Naikan therapy as a way to enhance your relationship with your significant other, consider scheduling a session with me. Together, we can work through these questions and create a personalized approach to help you and your partner reconnect on a deeper level. Schedule a session today and take the first step toward a more balanced, loving partnership!

Naikan is a Japanese term meaning “looking inside” or “seeing oneself with the mind’s eye.” Developed by Ishin Yoshimoto in the 1940s, Naikan therapy is a structured form of self-reflection that encourages individuals to examine their lives, relationships, and actions. Unlike Western psychotherapy, which often focuses on feelings and validating personal experiences, Naikan therapy invites us to reflect on the support we have received, the contributions we have made, and the troubles we have caused others.

What is Naikan Therapy?

Naikan therapy is a practice rooted in Japanese Buddhism that provides a framework for self-examination and personal growth. It’s a reflective process that helps us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our connections with others. The core of Naikan therapy lies in three simple yet profound questions:

1. What have I received from others?
   This question prompts us to recognize the care, support, and contributions others have made to our lives. It shifts our focus from our personal struggles to the kindness and generosity we’ve experienced, fostering a sense of gratitude.

2. What have I given to others?
   Reflecting on our own contributions helps us evaluate the balance between giving and receiving in our relationships. It encourages us to consider whether we are contributing positively to others or simply taking without giving back.

3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?
   This question invites us to acknowledge the ways we may have caused harm or inconvenience to others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s a humbling process that helps us take responsibility for our actions and their impact on those around us.

Naikan Therapy vs. Western Psychotherapy

While both Naikan therapy and Western psychotherapy aim to enhance personal well-being, they differ significantly in their approaches:

• Focus on Facts vs. Feelings: Naikan emphasizes facts over feelings, encouraging reflection on concrete actions and their impact, rather than delving into emotional narratives.

• Reflecting on Support vs. Past Hurts: Instead of revisiting personal traumas, Naikan guides individuals to reflect on how they have been supported by others, fostering a broader sense of gratitude.

• Responsibility vs. Validation: Western psychotherapy often seeks to validate the client’s experiences, while Naikan therapy encourages taking responsibility for one’s actions and their effects on others.

• Structured Reflection vs. Analysis: In Naikan, the therapist provides a structured framework for self-reflection rather than interpreting the client’s experiences, empowering individuals to draw their own insights.

The Three Questions and Managing Addictive Behaviors and Cognitive Distortions

Naikan’s three questions can be powerful tools in managing addictive behaviors and cognitive distortions. For those struggling with addiction, these questions help shift focus from self-centered thoughts and behaviors to a broader perspective on how their actions affect others. By reflecting on what they have received, individuals can cultivate gratitude, which has been shown to support recovery by enhancing overall well-being and reducing cravings.

Examining what they have given to others helps individuals recognize the positive impact they can make, encouraging pro-social behaviors that replace harmful patterns. Finally, acknowledging the troubles they have caused can foster accountability and motivate change, reducing the cycle of guilt and shame that often accompanies addiction.

When it comes to cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing thinking or overgeneralization, Naikan’s emphasis on factual reflection helps counteract these unhelpful patterns. The questions encourage a balanced view of reality, helping individuals see beyond their immediate negative thoughts to recognize the support and care present in their lives. This broader perspective can reduce the intensity of distorted thinking and promote healthier, more constructive cognitive processes.

Conclusion

Naikan therapy offers a unique and profound approach to self-reflection, encouraging us to explore our lives and relationships through a lens of gratitude, responsibility, and connection. Whether used on its own or alongside other therapeutic modalities, the practice of Naikan can help individuals gain clarity, foster positive change, and create a more balanced and compassionate outlook on life.

If you think Naikan therapy could be beneficial for you, I invite you to schedule a session with me. Together, we can explore these powerful questions and help you find a deeper sense of gratitude, responsibility, and connection in your life. Contact me today to get started! 

Maybe someone has accused you of being a perfectionist or maybe you think you might be a perfectionist, and you're wondering how this happened. Perfectionism, a multifaceted personality trait characterized by striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high-performance standards, has been a topic of significant interest in psychology. To understand its precursors, let's explore several popular and important theories in psychology, and synthesize insights from attachment theory, person-centered theory, and self psychology (Stoeber, 2018).

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory provides a practical and compelling view of the effect of an individual’s early environment on personality development, including self-regulation and performance. It suggests that during times of threat, we seek support from caregivers. A lack of care or neglect leads to insecure attachment and a reduced capacity for emotional regulation and support seeking. The models we form early in life are carried forward to adulthood, impacting coping and interpersonal behaviors (Stoeber, 2018).

Person-Centered Theory

Carl Rogers (1959) proposed that people have a natural drive to actualize their potential. As part of this drive, individuals have an innate sense of what will help or hurt their ability to self-actualize (Stoeber, 2018, p. 245). Initially, all experiences are unitary, but over time, interaction with caregivers helps children discriminate between what is me and not me. Children become aware that self-value and positive regard often depend on others’ acceptance and meeting their performance expectations.

Self Psychology

Kohut and Wolf (1978) posited that a child’s self-esteem and self-development depend on how parents meet their needs. Specifically, children must experience caregivers’ admiration (empathic mirroring) and regard them in an idealized, all-powerful way. Any disruptions to this process provide the child with the opportunity to self-soothe and strengthen their sense of self (Kohut & Wolf, 1978; Stoeber, 2018, p. 245).

Early Origins, Development, and Maintenance of Perfectionism

Kenneth Rice, Hanna Suh, and Don Davis (cited in Stoeber, 2018) suggest that the theories above form the basis for understanding the early origins, development, and maintenance of perfectionism. Parents providing supportive and reliable environments help children develop high but realistic standards and corresponding views of themselves as worthy and confident, and views of others as trustworthy and confident (Stoeber, 2018, p. 247).

Positive Settings Leading to Healthy Perfectionism:

• Dependable and stable relationships with parents, with reasonable and clear expectations.

• Parents who encourage performance but offer unconditional love regardless of how children perform.

• Supportive and encouraging responses from parents.

Maladaptive Perfectionism:

• Inconsistent or unclear parental expectations.

• Children’s performance being undervalued or disregarded by parents.

• Lack of inherent relational or intrinsic value from parents.

Children in such environments may learn to emphasize the importance of their performance over their emotional needs. Striving for perfection and ignoring emotional needs can be a ‘logical’ consequence of unsupportive home environments, as the child attempts to maintain recognition or avoid criticism. Perfectionism may emerge as a way to self-soothe children living with either few and unclear expectations or excessively detailed ones (Stoeber, 2018).

Understanding the roots of perfectionism through these psychological lenses allows us to better grasp why some individuals develop adaptive forms of perfectionism that drive them toward success, while others may struggle with maladaptive perfectionism that hinders their well-being.

If you recognize these patterns in yourself and would like to explore them further, consider scheduling a session with me. Together, we can work towards understanding your perfectionism and finding ways to foster a healthier, more balanced approach to your goals and self-worth. 

References

Rogers, C. R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships: As developed in the client-centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A study of a science: Vol. 3. Formulations of the person and the social context (pp. 184–256). McGraw-Hill.

Stoeber, J. (2018). The psychology of perfectionism: Theory, research, applications. Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Relationships can be challenging, but when you're entangled with someone who has a personality disorder, the dynamics can become particularly complex and emotionally taxing. One of the most insidious aspects of such relationships is the presence of FOG—Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. These emotional responses can cloud your judgment and keep you trapped in a cycle of confusion and distress.

What Does FOG Feel Like?

Being in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder can feel like being perpetually lost in a dense fog. The fear comes from the unpredictable and often volatile reactions of your partner. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly anxious about triggering an outburst or a period of silent treatment.

Obligation often manifests as an overwhelming sense of duty to maintain the relationship, despite its toll on your well-being. You might feel responsible for your partner's happiness and stability, leading to self-sacrifice and neglect of your own needs.

Guilt is a powerful tool used to manipulate and control. Your partner might blame you for their problems or accuse you of not caring enough. This can lead to a perpetual state of self-doubt and emotional exhaustion.

Recognizing the Signs

Understanding FOG and recognizing its signs are crucial steps toward regaining your autonomy. Here are some indicators that you might be experiencing FOG:

1. Constant Anxiety: Feeling anxious or fearful about your partner's reactions.

2. Self-Sacrifice: Regularly putting your partner's needs above your own to avoid conflict.

3. Guilt Trips: Being made to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends, pursue your interests, or even express your feelings.

Dos and Don'ts for Handling FOG

Do:

• Set Boundaries: Clearly define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Stand firm in enforcing these boundaries.

• Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional who can offer perspective and guidance.

• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being through activities that nurture your mind and body.

• Educate Yourself: Learn about personality disorders and their impact on relationships to better understand the dynamics at play.

• Utilize Rational Thought: When faced with feelings of fear, obligation, or guilt, try to step back and assess the situation logically. Ask yourself if your feelings are being manipulated and whether the demands being placed on you are reasonable. This can help you make decisions based on rational thought rather than emotional pressure.

Don't:

• Internalize Blame: Remember that you are not responsible for your partner's behavior or emotional state.

• Isolate Yourself: Stay connected with supportive people who can help you maintain a healthy perspective.

• Ignore Red Flags: Pay attention to patterns of manipulation, control, and emotional abuse. Trust your instincts if something feels off.

• Engage in Power Struggles: Avoid getting drawn into arguments or trying to "win" against manipulative tactics. Maintain your composure and focus on your boundaries.

If you find yourself caught in the FOG, it’s crucial to seek support and take steps toward clarity and empowerment. I invite you to schedule a session with me to discuss your situation and explore strategies for handling these challenging dynamics. Together, we can work towards creating a healthier and more fulfilling relationship dynamic. Don't wait—take the first step toward reclaiming your peace and well-being today.

By recognizing the effects of FOG and implementing these strategies, you can begin to navigate your way out of the haze and toward a clearer, healthier future.

In today's fast-paced world, maintaining a healthy marriage can be challenging. Fortunately, online marriage counseling in Fort Worth offers a convenient and effective solution for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship. Whether you're dealing with communication issues, infidelity, or financial stress, online marriage counseling can provide the support you need. My services include EMDR, solution-focued therapy, Gottman couples therapy, and positive psychology, all designed to help you build a stronger, happier relationship.

How Does Online Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth Work? 

Online marriage counseling in Fort Worth utilizes digital platforms to connect couples with licensed therapists. Sessions are conducted via video calls, allowing couples to participate from the comfort of their own home. This flexibility makes it easier to schedule sessions around busy lives, ensuring that both partners can attend consistently. Tools like secure video conferencing, messaging, and digital resources are used to facilitate effective therapy sessions. 

What Are the Benefits of Online Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth? 

Online marriage counseling offers several benefits:

• Convenience and Accessibility: No need to travel, saving time and reducing stress.

• Flexible Scheduling: Easier to find appointment times that fit both partners' schedules.

• Comfort and Privacy: Participate from a familiar and private setting, which can enhance openness and honesty. Many clients like to have their pets close by for additional comfort and support.

Is Online Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth Effective? 

Yes, online marriage counseling is highly effective. Research indicates that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions. Many couples in Fort Worth have found success in resolving their issues through online counseling. Testimonials highlight improved communication, renewed intimacy, and strengthened bonds as common outcomes of engaging in online marriage therapy.

What Issues Can Be Addressed in Online Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth? 

Online marriage counseling can address a wide range of issues, including:

• Communication Problems: Learning effective ways to express thoughts and feelings.

• Infidelity: Rebuilding trust and repairing relationships after breaches of fidelity.

• Financial Stress: Developing strategies to manage financial conflicts.

Specific therapeutic approaches like EMDR help with trauma-related issues, Gottman couples therapy focuses on relationship dynamics, and positive psychology emphasizes strengths and positive interactions.

Wait ... Are Online Counseling and Online Therapy in Fort Worth the Same Thing? 

While often used interchangeably, counseling and therapy have distinct focuses. Counseling typically addresses specific issues or challenges with practical solutions, while therapy may delve deeper into underlying psychological patterns and emotional experiences. Both can be effectively provided online and can complement each other in a comprehensive treatment plan. 

What About Coaching? Is a Coach What I Need Over a Therapist in Fort Worth? 

Coaching and therapy serve different purposes. A coach focuses on helping you achieve specific goals, offering guidance and accountability. Therapy, on the other hand, addresses deeper emotional and psychological issues. The field of coaching is largely unregulated with little to no oversight. Anyone can decide to become a coach right now with no qualifications or training. Therapists and counselors can offer coaching services. Coaches cannot provide therapy or counseling. If you're seeking to improve your relationship through structured strategies and emotional healing, online marriage counseling in Fort Worth with a licensed therapist is likely the better choice. 

Wait, What About LPC, LMFT, LCSW, Psychologists, LMHC, etc? What Do I Need in Fort Worth? 

Understanding different credentials can help you choose the right professional:

• LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor): Trained to address a wide range of mental health issues.

• LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist): Specializes in relationship and family dynamics.

• LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker): Focuses on social and community factors affecting mental health.

• Psychologists: Trained in extensive psychological testing.

• LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Counselor): Trained to address a wide range of mental health issues.

For online marriage counseling, an LMFT experience in couples therapy can be ideal.

Start Your Journey with Online Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth Today! 

Ready to strengthen your relationship? Start your journey with online marriage counseling in Fort Worth today! Access my online calendar to book your FREE 15-Minute Confidential Consultation, and discover how EMDR, Gottman couples therapy, solution-focused therapy, and positive psychology can transform your relationship. Reach out via phone, email, or our online booking system and take the first step toward a happier, healthier marriage.

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

In previous articles, we examined the signs of a toxic relationship and how to try to save a toxic relationship. This article will go through the considerations and steps to take to help you leave a toxic relationship. If you have determined that you are in a toxic relationship, more than likely there are some elements of abuse occurring. First, we will briefly discuss how abuse may show up in toxic relationships, then list a few reasons why it may be difficult to leave a toxic relationship, and wrap up by highlighting some important considerations and steps you can take to leave a toxic relationship successfully. 

Rarely is someone able to successfully leave a toxic relationship quickly. Getting out of these relationships safely and successfully often takes forethought and planning. 

Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to define “successfully leaving a toxic relationship.” This can look vastly different based on the situation that someone is facing. If there is any abuse in a relationship, sometimes “successfully leaving a toxic relationship” can be as simple as getting away from the abuser, staying away from the abuser, and surviving. In some other situations, “successfully leaving a toxic relationship” can be finding the strength to say what you need to say, walking away knowing that you did the best you could with what you had to work with, and not looking back with any regrets. 

Abuse in Toxic Relationships

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

Abuse in toxic relationships can manifest itself in a variety of ways in relationships. 

1. Emotional abuse: mocking, the silent treatment, objectifying

2. Psychological abuse: gaslighting, threats, intimidation, bullying

3. Verbal abuse: name-calling, manipulation, accusations, circular arguments

4. Economic abuse: withholding medication/food/personal hygiene products, stealing or destroying your belongings, getting you fired from work

5. Sexual abuse: any non-consensual touch 

6. Physical abuse: (rarely present without some aspect of the other forms of abuse listed above) biting, kicking, burning, hitting, the use of any weapon or object in a threatening manner

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

I cannot stress the importance of reaching out for help if you suspect that you are being abused. Forms of emotional and psychological abuse can act as a way to justify the other forms of abuse happening in a relationship and make it seem as if you are the problem. If you just suspect this is happening to you, reach out. Use the contact information in this article to talk through the things that are happening in your relationship. Getting an objective third-party point of view can help you move forward one way or the other. They can also connect you with local resources to help you. You can also schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me to get started on healing from what you have survived and help you move forward. 

The first and foremost consideration when you suspect that you are being abused is SAFETY. Abusive relationships can be, and sadly often are deadly relationships. Any other considerations and factors need to be considered second. For example, someone could choose to stay in an abusive relationship that is getting worse for financial reasons or custody concerns. To put it bluntly, your financial situation is not going to matter if you are dead; you are not going to be able to be there for your children if you are dead. Do not wait. Get help now. 

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

Why It Could Be Difficult to Leave a Toxic Relationship

You have invested a lot into this relationship. Leaving can feel like a failure, like giving up. It can take a lot to get to the point where you realize that this relationship cannot be saved. If you are at this point, likely, you have already tried everything to save your toxic relationship. 

Leaving can also feel more difficult and be more emotionally draining than just staying and putting up with the toxic behavior. When people get stuck here, it is often because they do not realize that they deserve better and have not considered the benefits and advantages that they will have once they leave the toxic relationship. 

There are a few things that people need to learn or realize before they can successfully leave a toxic relationship. 

1. You must learn to let go. Accept that this relationship was not meant to be and that this person is not going to change.

2. You must realize that you deserve better. Sometimes, loving someone isn’t enough - especially if it isn’t returned in equal measure and kind. Horror Vacui colloquially phrased as “nature abhors a vacuum” is a postulate in physics and a philosophical hypothesis that states nature will seek to fill a void once it is created like water filling a hole dug on the beach close to the surf. Once you let go of the toxic relationship, you create space for something new, better, and healthier to move into your life. 

3. You must stop waiting for your partner to change. You can only control yourself. You cannot change another person. If your partner has gaslit you, they may be brainwashing you to believe that you can change them. These are usually conditional statements like, 

• “I would treat you better if you loved me better,” 

• “I would stop cheating on you if you _(fill in the blank)_,” 

• “You are a terrible partner and should feel lucky to be in this relationship. If you loved me like you should, you wouldn’t feel this way,” 

• or something similar.  

4. You must accept that leaving the toxic relationship will hurt. There is a common misconception that “if this relationship was really that toxic, it wouldn’t hurt so much when I think of leaving.” This is just not true. The amount of pain you experience with thoughts of leaving is positively correlated to the amount of effort you have invested into this relationship. Sometimes, toxic aspects like gaslighting can make thoughts of leaving more painful because gaslighting makes you believe that you are more responsible for the outcome of the relationship than you really are. This pain will not last forever. Sometimes thoughts of leaving can bring up fear of change, loneliness, or the unknown. Recognizing that time and making intentional choices to do what is best for you will help lessen the hurt and fear. 

5. You must recognize that you are in control of your emotions including happiness. This also means that you are not responsible for your partner's emotions, feelings, or their ability to handle their emotions or feelings. 

Considerations Before Leaving A Toxic Relationship

Leaving a toxic relationship is a courageous and important step towards a healthier and happier life. However, it requires careful planning and consideration to ensure your safety and well-being. Here are some key safety tips and practical concerns to keep in mind:

Safety Tips

• Create a Safety Plan: Develop a clear plan that outlines how and when you will leave. Consider safe locations you can go to, such as a friend’s house or a shelter.

• Inform Trusted Individuals: Let trusted friends or family members know about your plans. Having a support system can provide emotional and practical assistance.

• Prepare an Emergency Bag: Pack a bag with essential items like identification documents, medication, money, keys, and a change of clothes. Keep this bag in a safe and easily accessible place.

• Avoid Confrontation: If possible, avoid breaking up in person, especially if you fear a violent reaction. Consider doing it in a public place or with a supportive person present.

• Secure Communication: Change your passwords and ensure that your phone, email, and social media accounts are secure. Consider using a different phone or email account to communicate sensitive information.

• Legal Protection: If you feel threatened, consider obtaining a restraining order. This can provide legal protection and establish clear boundaries.

Practical Concerns

• Financial Independence: Ensure you have access to your own money. Open a separate bank account if necessary and start saving to support yourself during the transition.

• Housing: Plan where you will live after leaving. Explore options such as staying with friends or family, or finding temporary housing through shelters or local services.

• Employment: If you are not currently employed, consider seeking employment or other sources of income. Financial independence is crucial for long-term stability.

• Legal Matters: If you are married or share assets, consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and responsibilities. This is especially important if children are involved.

• Documentation: Gather important documents such as identification, financial records, and any evidence of abuse. This can be vital for legal proceedings and securing resources.

• Children and Pets: Make arrangements for the safety and well-being of any children or pets. This might include custody considerations and ensuring they are in a safe environment.

• Emotional Support: Engage with a therapist or counselor who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout the process. Schedule a FREE 15-minute confidential consultation with me. Joining support groups can also be beneficial for connecting with others who understand your experience. 

Leaving a toxic relationship is not easy, but with careful planning and support, you can take steps towards a safer and healthier future.

Steps to Leaving a Toxic Relationship

Many of the steps for leaving a toxic relationship are similar, more formalized versions of some of the considerations above. The effects of a toxic relationship can be crippling. Taking time for self-reflection and pausing for insight whenever possible is essential for leaving effectively. 

If you are in danger, you might not have time to stop, think and assess. You might just need to leave. If that is the case, gather up your children and important documents if you can and get out. If you don’t have time to get those documents or get your pets situated, it will be okay. There will be opportunities to address those things once you are safe. 

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

If you have planning time, start thinking through the following steps: 

1. Build a safety net. This net is comprised of family, friends, loved ones, and other trusted persons like your therapist or counselor, a pastor or minister of your church, or trusted law enforcement personnel. 

2. Set a goal to be independent. This could be applying for a new job, asking for a raise, picking up extra shifts or off duty, and doing your best to maintain your work performance. 

3. Let someone know. Find a way to safely let your support system know your plan. Let them know how they can help and support you during this time. 

4. Seek professional help to work on your self-esteem. You can talk to your therapist or counselor, or a minister at your church. You can schedule a FREE 15-minute confidential consultation with me. Professionals might be able to help you find additional insight during this difficult time. 

5. Stop talking to your partner. This is a difficult one. It can be hard to resist the urge to talk to your partner at first. Talking to your partner at this time can open up the opportunity for them to manipulate you into coming back and letting them back into your life. It’s best to just not communicate with them at all during this time. Should the need arise, consult a therapist, counselor, minister, or attorney before proceeding with any communication - no matter how tempting it might be. 

6. Do things you love. Self-care! If you don’t know what self-care looks like for you, ask your therapist or counselor to help guide you. I have several handouts that I give clients to help them narrow down self-care that fits best for them. Most of the therapists that I know do the same thing. 

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

Leaving a toxic relationship is one of the most challenging and courageous decisions you can make. It requires careful planning, support, and a commitment to your safety and well-being. Remember, you deserve a life free from abuse and filled with respect, love, and peace.

If you find yourself in this difficult situation, know that you are not alone. There are resources and people ready to support you every step of the way. As a marriage and family therapist, I am here to help you navigate this challenging journey.

Take the first step towards a healthier and happier life by scheduling a free 15-minute confidential consultation with me. During this session, we can discuss your unique situation, explore your options, and create a personalized plan to help you move forward from the toxic relationship. Your safety and well-being are my top priorities, and together, we can work towards a brighter future.

Reach out today to begin your journey to healing and empowerment. You deserve to live a life free from toxicity and full of the love and respect you truly deserve.

If you are being abused, find a safe way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  800.799.SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or to live chat with someone. 

Every relationship has some level of toxicity, and relationships also go through seasons of ups and downs. When toxicity leaches into a relationship, it can make things particularly challenging. Relationships are hard, but they should not be that hard. With all that being said, it is possible to save a toxic relationship. You cannot do it alone though. It takes 2. Both partners need to do the following: 

Recognize the toxicity

The first step in doing something different is to name the problem. Take a good, hard look at your relationship. Which dynamics, patterns, habits, thoughts, and actions are toxic and hurting your relationship, you, and your partner? Name it. 

Claim your part of the problem

Discuss with your partner what these toxic elements are doing to you, to them, and to your relationship. Avoid criticism, blame, and judgment. This can be particularly hard when toxicity is present. If you and your partner cannot discuss the toxic elements invading your relationship without criticism, blame, and judgment, it is time to seek professional help. The important part here is to claim the part of the problem for which you are responsible without accepting responsibility for things that are not yours: Claim it.

Get professional help

Most couples do not call a marriage counselor right away. Usually, they start off trying to fix their relationship by reading books or articles, listening to podcasts, or implementing a few tricks and tips that they have gleaned from TicTok. This is a great place to start to tame these issues. If the level of toxicity in your relationship is relatively low, this may be all the intervention that you need for now. Sadly, many couples suffer for months and years, frustratingly trying trick after trick, or book after book with no relief from the relationship toxicity. Please do not let this be you and your relationship. If you are starting to feel frustrated in your relationship, that is a sign that it is time for you to seek professional help from a marriage counselor. Good marriage counselors can get you started on the right, tailor-made path in the first session. It won’t be easy, but the process will get you back to your healthy relationship faster. Tame it. 

Maintaining a healthy relationship

Once you and your partner have worked through those toxic elements, the challenge is to keep that progress and keep moving forward. This step is the biggest. It also is the part with which a lot of people struggle and get stuck. To maintain a healthy relationship, both partners need to: 

• Establish and maintain healthy boundaries

• Practice good self-care

• Develop their level of empathy and understanding for their partner

• Remember to take responsibility for their actions

• Foster positive sentiment override

• Continuously develop trust

• Forgive well

• Have good communication skills

• Constantly evaluate their progress

This is a long list with plenty of places for things to go sideways. If things do go a little sideways, try to get things back on track. If you are unable to get back on track or feel stuck, it may be time to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk about getting your relationship back on track. Otherwise, once a good pattern is established, it will be harder to revert to previous toxic behaviors than before. This section is about one thing: Maintain it.

Every relationship has some degree of toxicity since relationships are the products of two imperfect people coming together. Relationships exist on a continuum that ranges from ‘this is really toxic, and I need to run!’ to “this relationship is good enough, I need to stay.’ The goal of successful marriage counseling is actually to create this ‘Good Enough Relationship.’ Sometimes these toxic aspects can be blatant and sometimes they are more covert, but just as devastating. Here are some signs that you might be in a toxic relationship. 

What they do

• They always find something wrong with you

• They strip you of your self-esteem with constant criticism

• They hold more power in the relationship

• They don’t support you and your goals

• They insult you

• They neglect you

• They isolate you from your family and friends

• They manipulate you

• They give you the silent treatment

• They are jealous and controlling

• They stonewall you … a lot

• They bring out the worst in you

• They never take responsibility

• They always blame others for their problems

• They are super competitive with you

• They make you feel worse when you are with them

• They don’t do their fair share of the work in the relationship

What you notice

• Your family and friends are worried

• You are not practicing good self-care anymore

• You keep waiting for them to change

• You feel insecure

• You don’t trust them

• You feel drained

• You don’t have a positive outlook for your future with them

• You feel like you have to make excuses for their behavior

• You have unmet needs

Why do people stay in toxic relationships?

• They are stuck in a cycle of abuse

• They are financially dependent on their partner

• They have low self-esteem

• They are afraid of being alone

• They hope that their partner will change

• They don’t know that their relationship is toxic

• They are isolated and cannot get help

• They have pressures from children, family, or society to stay

What to do if you are in a toxic relationship

First and foremost, recognize the need for change. Seeing what is unhealthy, acknowledging this, and recognizing that you deserve better are the next steps. Here are a few other tips to consider: 

• Seek support from family, friends, and professionals who are trusted sources of emotional support

• Set your boundaries clearly by telling your partner which behaviors are unacceptable and what they can do instead

• Schedule a session with your partner to begin creating the kind of relationship you really want

• Create a safety plan to get out 

• Consider if you need to slowly distance yourself from them

• End the relationship with a direct conversation if it is safe to do so

• Cut off all contact to protect yourself and let yourself heal

• Schedule a session to detox yourself from that relationship

• Focus on your self-care

• Reflect on that relationship and learn from it so you don’t get a different version of it again in the future

If you feel stuck with a toxic relationship and want a better relationship or recovery from a toxic relationship, schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me. 

Parenting is a complex and evolving journey, influenced by various factors such as culture, upbringing, and personal beliefs. Psychologists have identified four primary parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved. Each style offers children a unique blend of warmth and support, along with varying levels of behavioral control. In this article, we will explore these parenting styles, provide examples of each, and discuss their impact on children's development. We will also delve into the phenomenon of over-involved parents, often referred to as "snow plow" or "helicopter" parents.

Authoritative Parenting

Warmth and Support

Authoritative parents strike a balance between warmth and discipline. They are responsive to their child's needs, offering emotional support, encouragement, and guidance. They foster open communication and active listening, creating an environment where children feel valued and understood.

Behavioral Control

Authoritative parents set clear and consistent boundaries while allowing their children some autonomy within those limits. They use reasoning and positive reinforcement to encourage responsible behavior. For example, an authoritative parent might explain the importance of completing homework and offer praise when it's done.

Authoritarian Parenting

Warmth and Support

Authoritarian parents prioritize discipline and control over warmth and emotional support. While they may love their children, their parenting style tends to be more rigid and rule-oriented. They may struggle to express affection openly.

Behavioral Control

Authoritarian parents maintain strict rules and high expectations. They use punishments and strict consequences to enforce compliance. For instance, an authoritarian parent might punish a child for not following household rules without discussing the reasons behind the rules.

Permissive Parenting

Warmth and Support

Permissive parents are characterized by their warmth and indulgence. They tend to be lenient and often prioritize their child's desires and happiness. While this approach can make children feel loved, it may lack structure and guidance.

Behavioral Control

Permissive parents have few rules and minimal discipline. They are more likely to give in to their child's demands. An example might be a permissive parent who allows their child to stay up late on a school night without considering the negative impact on the child's sleep schedule.

Uninvolved Parenting

Warmth and Support

Uninvolved parents are emotionally distant and provide minimal support. They may be physically present but emotionally detached. Children of uninvolved parents often struggle with feelings of neglect.

Behavioral Control

Uninvolved parents generally have low expectations and involvement in their child's life. They may neglect basic needs like nutrition, supervision, or emotional support. For instance, an uninvolved parent might consistently leave a young child home alone without proper care.

Over-Involved Parents: "Snow Plow" or "Helicopter" Parenting

In today's fast-paced world, some parents become overly involved in their children's lives, often referred to as "snow plow" or "helicopter" parenting. These parents tend to micromanage every aspect of their child's existence, from academics to extracurricular activities.

Warmth and Support

While over-involved parents may genuinely care for their children's well-being, their overbearing nature can hinder a child's emotional growth and independence. They may provide ample material support but struggle to offer emotional autonomy and respect personal boundaries.

Behavioral Control

These parents exert an extreme level of control over their child's actions and decisions. They may intervene in school assignments, dictate friendships, and overly manage their child's time and activities. For instance, a "helicopter" parent might argue with a teacher over a grade their child received, not allowing the child to face the consequences of their actions.

Understanding parenting styles is essential for fostering healthy child development. Each style offers a unique blend of warmth and behavioral control, with varying consequences for children's emotional and psychological growth. While authoritative parenting tends to strike the best balance, it's crucial to adapt parenting styles to meet individual children's needs and circumstances. Over-involved parenting, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently hinder a child's ability to develop independence and resilience. Striking the right balance between support and control is the key to raising well-rounded, confident, and responsible children.

Want to talk more about how you were parented or how you are parenting or want to parent your children? I'm here for you. Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me now.  

No longer the remote outpost it once was in 1849, Fort Worth has blossomed into a thriving city, bustling with over 900,000 souls. You've begun looking for marriage counselors in Fort Worth, and they seem nice enough, but how do you choose the right one for you and your marriage? What should you ask? What should you say? What is appropriate? 

Questions to Ask a Marriage Counselor in Fort Worth

Starting this process is daunting, especially with all the stress that you are already under from life and your relationships. I hope that these few questions will help you find a marriage counselor in Fort Worth who is a great fit for you and your relationship. 

“What are your specializations?”

During the initial consultation, inquiring about a therapist's expertise is a great first question as it lays the foundation for an effective therapeutic journey. Understanding their specialization, especially in areas like trauma recovery and support for military service members and first responders, ensures that you align with a marriage counselor in Fort Worth who possesses the specific skills and knowledge necessary to address your unique needs. This proactive step not only fosters a sense of trust but also sets the stage for a more impactful and personalized therapeutic experience.

“How can your method work best for me?” 

Understanding how a therapist's methods will work for you is crucial for a strong therapeutic alliance. It empowers you to gauge the compatibility between your preferences, expectations, and the therapeutic approach, ultimately contributing to a more effective and satisfying marriage counseling experience. By discussing this aspect during the initial consultation, you set the stage for a collaborative and tailored approach to your unique needs and goals.

“What is your availability and how do you go about scheduling your clients?”

This is an important question to ask to be sure that the marriage counselor's availability and scheduling procedures work for you. Understanding the marriage counselor's time commitments, flexibility, and the possibility of evening or weekend appointments allows you to ensure that this therapeutic journey aligns with your schedule. When the schedules align this creates consistency and allows for full commitment to your well-being.

“What is your view on the client-therapist relationship?” 

The therapeutic relationship is unlike anything else. This relationship is how trust and understanding are created. Asking this question provides you with insight into how the marriage counselor views this crucial aspect and provides you with another opportunity to decide if this marriage counselor is a good fit for you and your marriage. 

“How do you track progress during treatment?”

This question is all about "getting the biggest bang for your buck." Marriage counselors who continuously monitor progress are more focused on you and your marriage, more flexible and adaptable as changes are created through the therapeutic process, and able to help you reach your goals faster with the least number of sessions possible. 

“What about costs and insurance?”

Inquiring about the costs of therapy and the therapist's insurance policies is crucial for ensuring a transparent and financially manageable therapeutic experience. Texas State Law requires the posting of a Good Faith Estimate. Understand that therapy is an investment in yourself and your marriage. These considerations empower you to make informed decisions about your mental health journey. By clarifying these details upfront, you can confidently move forward, prioritizing both your financial well-being and the commitment to invest in yourself, an essential step toward living your best life.

Schedule a Free Consultation for Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth

I hope this helps you come up with some good questions to ask a marriage counselor in Fort Worth. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to click here for a free 15-minute virtual consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with marriage counseling, you can read more about how I can help here.

Fort Worth is no longer the tiny outpost in the middle of nowhere on the lonely frontier that it was in 1849. While Fort Worth has grown up into a huge city with more than 900,000 people, it can feel like a pretty lonely place at times, and one can easily get lost when trying to find something specific. It makes sense that there would be marriage counselors in Fort Worth, but starting the process of finding one can feel like a huge undertaking. I’d like to help you find someone who can help. 

I Want to Help You Find a Marriage Counselor in Fort Worth

Life is full of challenges and transitions. Recognizing that your marriage needs support is the first step toward a better relationship. Some awareness into the signs that your marriage might need support can help you make the best decision for you, your spouse and ultimately your marriage. 

Some Signs that Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth May Help

Here are some signs of a marriage in need of support: 

• Apathy or feeling indifferent has taken over as the primary emotion in your relationship

• Most communication is negative or leads to fighting

• Having the same arguments over and over

• You and/or your spouse have started being dishonest, keeping secrets or lying to each other

• The intimacy has been lacking for a while

• You have a negative view of your spouse

• Infidelity

With things like this happening in your marriage, it might feel like no one will really understand what you are going through and how impossible it feels to find the right person to support your marriage. I want to help you find that person. 

The Role of a Marriage Counselor in Fort Worth

The marriage counselor or marriage therapist acts as a trusted guide to help both you and your spouse make the decisions that are best for your marriage. When couples work with me, their relationship becomes my client. Each and every recommendation, topic of conversation, and homework assignment is custom-designed by me to improve your relationship.

Every marriage counselor or marriage therapist uses a different approach when working with couples. I utilize an empirical research-backed method honed from over 40 years of data on what makes marriages work. I use this data and the research-informed interventions to move your marriage from “stuck” to “unstuck.” 

Your marriage therapist or marriage counselor becomes your relationship’s partner in growth, so finding the right one for you is important. When choosing a marriage counselor in Fort Worth, look for ones that offer a free consultation. Meet with the therapists to learn more about their approach. It is important to find a marriage therapist or counselor in Fort Worth with whom both partners feel comfortable. 

Why Find a Marriage Counselor in Fort Worth?

Whether you need in-person or virtual marriage counseling, choosing a marriage counselor in Fort Worth increases your chances of finding someone who understands our local culture, resources, and lifestyle. It’s not so much about proximity; it’s about finding someone who really gets what it’s like to live and thrive here. This local approach as a unique layer of comfort and understanding and can make healing your marriage more relateable and tailored to the specific nuances of Fort Worth life. If you're a Fort Worth resident, whether long-time or new, consider the benefits of connecting with a therapist who understands the intricacies of our community, culture, and lifestyle.

Schedule a Free Consultation for Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth

I hope this helps you find the right marriage counselor in Fort Worth. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to click here for a free 15-minute virtual consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with marriage counseling, you can read more about how I can help here.

Embracing Self-Love: Why Giving Yourself a Valentine is the Ultimate Act of Self-Care 

Welcome to a journey of self-discovery and self-care, where we delve into the profound importance of embracing self-love. In the chaos of our fast-paced lives, we often forget to prioritize the one person who deserves our love the most – ourselves. This blog aims to shed light on the transformative power of self-love and guide you through practical tips to nurture your mind, body, and soul. We'll explore the reasons why you are inherently worthy of love, and provide actionable steps, from the significance of shifting from doing-mode to being-mode to aromatherapy to nature bathing. Join us on this empowering journey, culminating in the art of writing heartfelt Valentines to yourself and the promise of a more fulfilling, self-loving life. 

Why Self-Love is Vital: Recognizing Your Inherent Worth

Understanding the importance of self-love is the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. When you love yourself, you acknowledge your inherent worthiness, fostering a positive relationship with the most important person in your life – you. Self-love is the foundation for mental and emotional well-being, empowering you to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace.

Tips for Cultivating Self-Love: Nurturing Your Mind, Body, and Soul

• Shifting from Doing-Mode to Being-Mode: *This is a big one* In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we often find ourselves caught up in a perpetual state of "doing-mode." We are constantly striving, achieving, and fulfilling external expectations. However, true self-love begins when we learn to shift from this relentless doing to a more mindful and present state known as "being-mode." Being-mode involves embracing the present moment without the constant need for accomplishment. It's about cultivating a deep connection with yourself, acknowledging your worth beyond achievements. When you consciously shift from doing-mode to being-mode, you open the door to a world of self-discovery and self-love.

• Aromatherapy: Engage your senses with the power of aromas. Surround yourself with scents that bring joy and calmness, creating a harmonious environment that supports self-love.

• Nature Bathing (Shinrin-Yoku): Translated as "forest bathing" in Japanese, Shinrin-Yoku involves immersing yourself in nature. Take a leisurely stroll through a forest, appreciating the sights, sounds, and scents. Allow nature to rejuvenate your mind and soul.

• Do What You Love: Dedicate time to activities that genuinely bring you joy. Whether it's a hobby, creative pursuit, or simply spending time with loved ones, prioritize moments that nurture your happiness.

• Breathing Exercises: Connect with your breath to center yourself in the present moment. Deep, mindful breathing calms the mind, reduces stress, and promotes a sense of self-awareness.

• Shift to Being-Mode: Practice mindfulness and be fully present in your daily experiences. Let go of the constant need to achieve and allow yourself to simply be.

Expressing Love to Yourself: Crafting Heartfelt Valentine Phrases

Valentine's Day provides us with a unique opportunity to turn our love inward. As an exercise in self-love, consider writing heartfelt phrases on your Valentine to yourself. Place this Valentine somewhere where you will see it regularly like a bathroom mirror, the refrigerator, or the dash of your car. Express gratitude, acknowledge your strengths, and affirm your worthiness of love and care. Examples include:

• "I am deserving of love and kindness."

• "I embrace my uniqueness and celebrate my journey."

• "I am enough, just as I am."

• "I am a work in progress, and I love and accept myself at every stage of my journey."

• "In my own company, I find strength, joy, and endless possibilities. I am my own best companion."

• "Today, I choose to be kind to myself, embracing my flaws as unique facets of my beautiful being."

• "My heart is a sanctuary of love, and I am worthy of the love I give to others. Today, I give it to myself."

• "I am the author of my story, and each chapter is a testament to my resilience, growth, and self-love."

• "I release the need for perfection. I am perfectly imperfect, and that is where my true beauty lies."

• "I am a masterpiece in progress, sculpted by life's experiences and shaped by my own strength."

• "Every step I take is a step toward self-discovery and self-love. I honor the journey, embracing every lesson along the way."

• "In the mirror of self-reflection, I see a reflection of love, strength, and endless possibilities staring back at me."

• "I am not defined by my past or limited by my challenges. I am defined by the love I have for myself in this present moment."

Feel free to choose or modify these phrases to resonate with your individual thoughts and feelings. Writing a Valentine to yourself is a personal and empowering practice, allowing you to express self-love in a way that feels authentic to you.

The Rewards of Daily Self-Love: A Happier, More Fulfilled You

Committing to daily self-love practices yields numerous benefits. You'll find increased resilience in the face of challenges, improved mental and emotional well-being, and a deeper sense of fulfillment. Embracing self-love transforms your relationship with yourself and positively impacts all aspects of your life.

Take the Next Step: Schedule a Self-Love Session

If you find yourself seeking guidance on the path to self-love, consider scheduling a session with me. Together, we can explore personalized strategies to enhance your self-love journey and empower you to lead a more fulfilling life.

Remember, the journey to self-love begins with a single step – the decision to prioritize and care for yourself. Happy Valentine's Day to the most important person in your life – you! 

Welcome to your guide on finding the perfect therapist in Grapevine, Texas, dedicated to helping you navigate life's challenges with expertise and compassion. If you're seeking a therapist in Grapevine who specializes in life transitions and trauma, you've come to the right place. As a seasoned therapist, I understand the unique needs of military service members, first responders, and their families. In this blog, we'll explore the crucial steps to finding the ideal therapeutic support tailored to your individual requirements. Whether you're experiencing life transitions or working through trauma, discovering a skilled therapist in Grapevine can be a transformative journey, and I'm here to help you take that first step toward healing and growth.

Understanding Your Needs

Embarking on the journey to find the right therapist in Grapevine begins with a deep exploration of your individual needs. Life is filled with transitions and challenges, and recognizing when it's time to seek therapeutic support is a powerful first step. Whether you're navigating significant life changes or working through the impact of trauma, understanding your unique challenges lays the foundation for a tailored therapeutic approach. A little self-awareness could help you identify the signs that indicate therapy could be beneficial for your well-being. Some of these signs might be:

• Difficulty regulating emotions

• Decreased work or school performance

• Changes or disruptions in sleep or appetite

• Struggling to cultivate or maintain relationships

• You've experienced a big "T" trauma or a little "t" trauma

• Decreased interest in once enjoyable activities

• Grief

• Decreased physical health

• You know you want to improve yourself, but you don't know where to start

• Leaning on addictions to cope

The Role of a Therapist

Imagine having a trusted guide by your side as you navigate life's ups and downs. A therapist is that supportive companion, someone you can bounce your thoughts off of and who helps you make sense of life events. Therapists are a reliable third-party ally on your journey. From offering a listening ear to providing valuable insights, therapists are here to help you process challenges and discover new perspectives. In this way, they can help move you from “stuck” to “unstuck.” Therapists can be your partner in growth, so it is important to find the right one for you! 

Why Grapevine, Texas?

Beginning your therapeutic journey in Grapevine holds special significance for those in our community. Whether you're considering in-person or virtual sessions, choosing a therapist based in Grapevine increases the likelihood of finding someone who truly understands our local culture, resources, and lifestyle. It's not just about proximity; it's about connecting with a professional who gets what it's like to live and thrive here. Seeking therapy in Grapevine, even virtually, adds a unique layer of comfort and understanding to your therapeutic experience. This local approach can make your journey towards healing and self-discovery more relatable and tailored to the specific nuances of Grapevine living.

Your Path to Healing Begins in Grapevine

As we conclude this exploration into finding the right therapist in Grapevine remember that your journey toward healing and self-discovery is a deeply personal one. From understanding your needs to discovering the advantages of seeking therapy locally, you've gained insights into the process of finding the perfect therapeutic fit. If you're a Grapevine resident, whether long-time or new, consider the benefits of connecting with a therapist who understands the intricacies of our community, culture, and lifestyle.

Ready to Take the First Step?

I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute confidential consultation. Let's discuss how my expertise in solution-focused brief therapy, EMDR, Tapping, and more can support you through life transitions and trauma. Whether in-person or virtual, this consultation is an opportunity to explore the possibilities of your personal journey towards healing. Contact me today, and let's embark on this transformative path together. Your well-being is a priority, and I'm here to guide you every step of the way in Grapevine.

The holiday season is often associated with joy, togetherness, and a sense of wonder. However, it's not uncommon for the hustle and bustle to bring about stress and anxiety, overshadowing the moments of happiness. In the midst of these challenges, it becomes essential to recognize and embrace the positive aspects of our experiences. Understanding triggers, those instances that induce stress, is crucial. Equally important, though, are the 'glimmers'—those subtle sparks of joy and peace that have the power to uplift our spirits.

Recognize Triggers

Triggers are events or situations that evoke stress, discomfort, or negative emotions. During the holidays, these can range from the pressure of gift shopping to the demands of hosting gatherings. Recognizing triggers is the first step in managing stress and fostering a more positive mindset.

Embrace Glimmers

Glimmers, on the other hand, are the opposite of triggers. They are the small, often overlooked moments that bring joy and peace. From the warmth of a crackling fireplace to the laughter shared during a family game night, glimmers are the building blocks of happiness during the holidays.

Examples of Glimmers

• Twinkling Lights: The soft glow of holiday lights has a magical quality, creating an atmosphere of warmth and serenity.

• Homemade Delights: The aroma of freshly baked cookies or the taste of a comforting family recipe can be a delightful glimmer.

• Heartfelt Connections: A sincere conversation, a shared smile, or a hug can create powerful moments of connection and joy.

Extend the Joy

While these glimmers may seem fleeting, it's essential to consciously acknowledge and savor them. Reflecting on these moments and intentionally looking for more glimmers can significantly contribute to a positive holiday experience. By focusing on the positive aspects, you can extend the joy and make these moments last just a little bit longer.

This holiday season, prioritize your well-being by embracing the glimmers of joy around you. If you find yourself overwhelmed by triggers, consider seeking support. Whether through spending quality time with loved ones, practicing mindfulness, or reaching out to mental health professionals, there are various avenues to enhance your happiness during the holidays. Remember, happiness is not just a fleeting emotion—it's a state of mind that can be cultivated and nurtured. Take the first step towards a joyous holiday season by prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.

Nestled amidst the charm of Grapevine, Texas, renowned for its vintage railroad, wineries, and vibrant array of restaurants and shops, this community stands as one of the most delightful places to call home in the Lone Star State. Life's challenges may cast shadows that even the most idyllic settings cannot dispel, and in these moments, we find solace in the support that is essential for our well-being.

As a LMFT-Associate specializing in navigating life transitions and trauma recovery, my mission is to guide those who have faced life changes, traumatic incidents, military service members, first responders, and their families toward healing. Whether you're navigating the vintage railroad or enjoying the local wineries, the need for understanding and restoration is universal.

Finding a compassionate and skilled therapist in Grapevine is the first step toward rediscovering the joy and charm that defines Grapevine living. We all need support from time to time, and by addressing this need, you can truly immerse yourself in the delights that surround you.

In this guide, we'll explore essential questions tailored to your journey, ensuring that your therapeutic experience aligns seamlessly with the charm and delights of Grapevine living. Let's embark on this transformative journey together, one that leads you back to the joyous embrace of life in Grapevine.

Finding a Therapist in Grapevine

As you embark on the journey to find the right therapist in Grapevine, navigating through profiles and discovering those who resonate with you is a promising start. Now, the next crucial step awaits – the consultation. Wondering what to ask and how to navigate this initial meeting? Allow me to guide you through a comprehensive list of questions designed to ensure that your therapeutic journey aligns seamlessly with your needs and aspirations. Let's delve into the inquiries that matter most during this pivotal moment, empowering you to make an informed decision about your path to healing and well-being.

Questions to ask a Therapist in Grapevine

“What are your specializations?”

During the crucial initial consultation, inquiring about a therapist's expertise is paramount as it lays the foundation for a tailored and effective therapeutic journey. Understanding their specialization, especially in areas like trauma recovery and support for military service members and first responders, ensures that you align with a therapist in Grapevine who possesses the specific skills and knowledge necessary to address your unique needs. This proactive step not only fosters a sense of trust but also sets the stage for a more impactful and personalized therapeutic experience.

“How can your method work best for me?” 

Understanding how a therapist's methods will work for you is crucial for ensuring a harmonious therapeutic alliance. It empowers you to gauge the compatibility between your preferences, expectations, and the therapeutic approach, ultimately contributing to a more effective and satisfying counseling experience. By delving into this aspect during the initial consultation, you set the stage for a collaborative and tailored approach that resonates with your unique needs and goals.

“What is your availability and how do you go about scheduling your clients?”

Inquiring about a therapist's availability and scheduling procedures is essential for establishing a seamless and accommodating therapeutic relationship. Understanding their time commitments, flexibility, and the possibility of evening or weekend appointments allows you to ensure that the therapeutic journey aligns with your own schedule, fostering consistency and commitment to your well-being.

“What is your view on the client-therapist relationship?” 

The therapeutic relationship is unlike anything else. Exploring a therapist's views on the client-therapist relationship is fundamental in establishing a foundation of trust and understanding. By delving into their approach to building connections and fostering a collaborative alliance, you gain insight into how they navigate the therapeutic journey, ensuring that their style resonates with your preferences and contributes to a supportive and effective counseling experience.

“How do you track progress during treatment?”

Inquiring about how a therapist tracks progress is vital as it provides transparency and accountability in the therapeutic process. Understanding the methods employed to monitor your development allows for a collaborative assessment of goals and ensures that the counseling sessions remain focused, adaptive, and aligned with your evolving needs throughout the transformative journey.

“What about costs and insurance?”

Inquiring about the costs of therapy and the therapist's insurance policies is crucial for ensuring a transparent and financially manageable therapeutic experience. Understand that therapy is an investment in yourself. These considerations empower you to make informed decisions about your mental health journey. By clarifying these details upfront, you can confidently move forward, prioritizing both your financial well-being and the commitment to invest in yourself, an essential step toward living your best life.

Embark on Your Healing Journey Today: Connect with a Dedicated Therapist in Grapevine

Embark on your transformative journey with a dedicated therapist in Grapevine who specializes in navigating life transitions, trauma recovery, serving military service members, first responders, and their families. Take the first step towards healing by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation today. With expertise in EMDR, solution-focused brief therapy, tapping, and other proven modalities, I bring a unique blend of skills tailored to your needs. Uncover the support you deserve amidst the charming backdrop of Grapevine, Texas. Contact us now and let's navigate the path to well-being together. Your trusted therapist in Grapevine is here to guide you toward a brighter, more resilient future.

Guilt is a complex and often challenging emotion to navigate. Whether it's a lingering feeling from the past or a response to a recent event, learning how to deal with guilt is crucial for maintaining emotional well-being. In this article, we'll explore a series of steps to help you acknowledge, understand, and ultimately overcome guilt.

Acknowledge It Exists

The first step in dealing with guilt is acknowledging its presence. Avoiding or suppressing guilt can lead to increased stress and anxiety. By acknowledging it, you take the first step towards understanding and managing this emotion.

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

Guilt often brings along a barrage of negative self-talk. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with more constructive and compassionate affirmations. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that you are deserving of forgiveness.

Find Out If There's a Reason to Feel Guilty

Understand the root cause of your guilt. Evaluate your actions and determine if there's a legitimate reason for feeling guilty. Sometimes, guilt is misplaced or exaggerated, and gaining clarity on the situation can be the first step towards resolution.

Remind Yourself of All That You Do

Guilt can overshadow the positive aspects of your character and actions. Make a list of your accomplishments, good deeds, and positive contributions to help put your feelings of guilt into perspective.

Realize It's OK to Have Needs

Acknowledge that having needs and prioritizing self-care is not selfish. Recognize your own emotional well-being as a valid and essential aspect of your overall health.

Establish Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in preventing future guilt. Understand your limits and communicate them effectively to others. Learning to say no when necessary is a powerful way to protect your mental and emotional space.

Make Amends

If your guilt is related to a specific action or event, consider making amends. Apologize sincerely and take steps to rectify the situation where possible. Taking responsibility for your actions can be a powerful way to alleviate guilt.

Understand What You Can Control

Recognize the aspects of a situation that you can control and those that you cannot. Focus on taking positive action where you have influence and let go of the rest.

Address Any Mental Health Challenges

Guilt can sometimes be linked to underlying mental health challenges. If you find it difficult to manage guilt on your own, consider seeking professional help. A mental health professional can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs.

Acknowledge That Perfection Does Not Exist

Perfection is an unattainable standard that can fuel feelings of guilt. Understand that making mistakes is a natural part of being human, and it's through these experiences that we learn and grow.

Dealing with guilt is a process that requires self-reflection, compassion, and sometimes external support. By following these steps, you can begin to untangle the web of guilt and move towards a more positive and forgiving mindset.

As a supplemental resource, consider reading my other blog article on "How to Say Sorry the Right Way" for insights on effectively making amends and restoring relationships.

If you find yourself struggling to overcome guilt or would like personalized guidance, consider scheduling a session with a mental health professional. Taking this step can be a powerful investment in your well-being and provide you with the tools to navigate guilt more effectively. Remember, you deserve peace and self-compassion.

Anxiety can be a formidable challenge, not just for the person experiencing it but also for their loved ones. If someone close to you is grappling with anxiety, it's important to understand how anxiety works, recognize the signs, and provide meaningful support. In this article, we'll discuss practical ways to help, things to avoid, and the crucial need for caregivers to prioritize their own well-being.

Understanding Anxiety:

Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried occasionally. It's a complex mental health condition characterized by excessive worry, fear, and nervousness. Anxiety can manifest in various forms, such as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, and more. It's essential to recognize that anxiety is not a choice; it's a genuine medical condition that requires understanding and empathy.

Recognizing the Signs:

Identifying the signs of anxiety in a loved one is crucial for providing timely support. Common signs include restlessness, irritability, fatigue, muscle tension, and difficulty concentrating. Emotional symptoms may include excessive worry, fear of impending doom, and a sense of being on edge. Understanding these signs enables you to approach your loved one with compassion and support.

Dos and Don'ts:

Dos:

Listen with Empathy: Create a safe space for your loved one to express their feelings without judgment. Active listening helps them feel heard and understood.

Educate Yourself: Learn about anxiety to better understand what your loved one is going through. Knowing the triggers and coping mechanisms can be invaluable.

Encourage Professional Help: Suggesting therapy or counseling is a positive step. Mental health professionals can provide tools and strategies to manage anxiety effectively.

Offer Practical Support: Assist with daily tasks or encourage healthy habits, such as exercise and a balanced diet, which can positively impact mental well-being.

Don'ts:

Minimize Their Feelings: Avoid statements like "just relax" or "it's all in your head." Such comments may invalidate their experience and exacerbate feelings of guilt.

Pressure for Details: Respect their boundaries. If they're not comfortable discussing their anxiety, don't push them to reveal more than they're willing to share.

Disregard Self-Care: As a caregiver, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being. Ignoring your own needs can lead to burnout and hinder your ability to support your loved one effectively.

Supporting Yourself as a Caregiver:

The "you cannot pour from an empty cup" analogy holds true when caring for someone with anxiety. Your ability to provide support is directly linked to your own well-being. 

Here are some steps to take care of yourself:

Seek Support: Join a support group or talk to friends and family about your experiences. Sharing your feelings can be cathartic and reassuring.

Set Boundaries: Recognize your limitations and establish boundaries. It's okay to take breaks and prioritize your own needs.

Educate Yourself: Understanding anxiety not only helps you support your loved one better but also equips you with tools to manage your own stress.

Supporting a loved one with anxiety requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to self-care. By recognizing the signs, offering meaningful support, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can navigate this challenging journey together. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, both for your loved one and for yourself. Together, let's create a supportive environment that fosters healing and resilience.

Hello, dear reader! 

Today we will take a deeper look into a very common issue in the human experience: Anxiety. 

Often misunderstood and stigmatized, anxiety is a natural and integral part of the human experience. It's essential to recognize that anxiety is not something to be ashamed of but rather an emotion that can serve as a powerful motivator. In this article, we will explore anxiety, its symptoms, its relationship with stress, the experience of panic attacks, and how it can drive personal success. We'll also delve into various treatment options, including self-care and counseling, to help individuals manage their anxiety effectively. Remember, if anxiety and stress ever become overwhelming or feel life-threatening, seeking medical help is crucial.

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is a complex and multifaceted emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. It can manifest as a feeling of unease, worry, or fear about future events, both big and small. This emotional response is the body's natural way of preparing for potential threats or challenges.

Common Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety doesn't come in a one-size-fits-all package; it can manifest differently in each person. However, some common symptoms include:

Excessive Worry: Constantly thinking about future scenarios and their potential negative outcomes.

Restlessness: Feeling on edge or unable to relax.

Physical Symptoms: Experiencing physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, sweating, and trembling.

Difficulty Concentrating: Finding it challenging to focus on tasks due to racing thoughts.

Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia or restless sleep patterns are common during anxious periods.

The Relationship Between Anxiety and Stress

Anxiety and stress often go hand in hand. Stress is the body's reaction to a specific threat or demand, while anxiety is a more generalized feeling of unease. When stress becomes chronic, it can lead to increased anxiety levels. However, a healthy amount of anxiety can help us prepare for and cope with stressors.

Panic Attacks: A Heightened State of Anxiety

Panic attacks are intense episodes of anxiety that can be overwhelming. Symptoms may include:

Rapid Heartbeat: An accelerated heart rate, often accompanied by palpitations.

Shortness of Breath: Difficulty breathing, which can feel like suffocation.

Chest Pain: Intense chest discomfort, sometimes leading individuals to think they're having a heart attack.

Dizziness or Lightheadedness: Feeling faint or unsteady.

Trembling or Shaking: Uncontrolled physical tremors.

Fear of Losing Control: A sense of impending doom or loss of control.

Harnessing Healthy Anxiety for Success

Believe it or not, anxiety can be a driving force for success when managed effectively. Here's how:

Motivation: Anxiety can push us to set goals and work diligently to achieve them, as we strive to avoid anxious situations.

Alertness: It keeps us vigilant and alert, helping us stay prepared for potential challenges.

Creativity: In moderate amounts, anxiety can boost creativity, as it prompts us to think critically and consider various solutions to problems.

Managing Anxiety: Treatment Options

If anxiety becomes overwhelming or starts to interfere with your daily life, there are several treatment options available:

Self-Care: Engage in relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, or mindfulness to calm your mind and reduce anxiety.

Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly reduce anxiety levels by releasing endorphins and promoting a sense of well-being.

Healthy Lifestyle: Maintain a balanced diet, get enough sleep, limit caffeine and alcohol intake, and stay hydrated to support your mental health.

Counseling: Professional counseling or therapy can provide valuable tools and coping strategies to manage anxiety effectively.

Medication: In serious cases, medication prescribed by a healthcare professional may be necessary to alleviate symptoms.

Seek Help

If anxiety and stress ever become overwhelming or start affecting your quality of life, don't hesitate to seek help from a medical professional. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and there is no shame in reaching out for assistance.

Additionally, if you experience a panic attack lasting longer than 30 minutes, experience chest tightness or chest pain, experience shortness of breath, or encounter dangerously high blood pressure during a panic attack, it is crucial to seek immediate medical attention, including going to the emergency room. Your safety and well-being should always be a top priority.

Learn to Manage Anxiety

Consider scheduling a session with a therapist or counselor to learn how to manage anxiety effectively. These professionals can provide tailored strategies and support to help you take control of your anxiety and lead a more fulfilling life.

Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience, and it can be harnessed as a powerful motivator for success. By understanding anxiety, recognizing its symptoms, and exploring healthy ways to manage it, we can embrace this emotion and lead happier, more balanced lives. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and managing anxiety is an essential step toward overall well-being.

In a fast-paced world filled with constant hustle and bustle, it's essential to find moments of tranquility and comfort. Enter hygge (pronounced "hoo-guh"), a Danish concept that has taken the world by storm in recent years. Hygge encapsulates the art of creating a cozy, content, and harmonious atmosphere that promotes well-being and happiness. In this article, we'll delve into what hygge is, its origins, and how you can incorporate it into your modern lifestyle.

What is Hygge?

Hygge is a Danish word that doesn't have a direct English translation, but it encompasses the feeling of coziness, contentment, and well-being. It's about creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere that encourages relaxation, connection, and mindfulness. Hygge is all about finding joy in simple pleasures, such as a warm cup of tea on a rainy day, the soft glow of candlelight, or the company of loved ones gathered around a crackling fireplace.

How to Pronounce Hygge

Before we dive deeper into the concept, let's address the pronunciation. Hygge is pronounced as "hoo-guh," with a soft, almost breathy "h" sound at the beginning and a short, gentle "u" sound in the middle. It's not a word that requires a perfect Danish accent; rather, it's more about understanding the sentiment behind it.

Origins of Hygge

Hygge has deep-rooted origins in Danish culture, dating back to the 18th century. It emerged as a way for the Danish people to cope with the long, harsh winters and to find comfort in the darkness. It became a fundamental part of Danish life, guiding their approach to creating cozy, comforting environments.

In Denmark, hygge goes beyond aesthetics and influences social interactions, relationships, and overall well-being. It's no wonder that Denmark consistently ranks as one of the happiest countries in the world, and hygge is undoubtedly a contributing factor.

Incorporating Hygge into a Modern Lifestyle

Now that we understand what hygge is and where it comes from, let's explore how you can incorporate this delightful concept into your modern Western lifestyle:

• Create Cozy Spaces: Start by transforming your home into a haven of comfort. Invest in soft blankets, plush cushions, and warm lighting. Consider adding elements like wooden furniture and natural materials to bring a sense of warmth and connection with nature into your living spaces.

• Embrace Candlelight: Candles are a hallmark of hygge. Their soft, flickering glow adds an enchanting ambiance to any room. Light candles during quiet moments, whether you're reading a book, taking a bath, or enjoying a meal with loved ones.

• Savor Comfort Food: Indulge in hearty, homemade meals that warm the soul. Prepare comfort foods like soups, stews, and baked goods. The act of cooking and sharing these meals with friends and family enhances the sense of togetherness.

• Disconnect and Be Present: In our digital age, it's easy to get caught up in screens and notifications. Practice mindfulness by unplugging from technology and being fully present in the moment. Engage in meaningful conversations, board games, or simply enjoy a cup of tea without distractions.

• Cultivate Relationships: Hygge is about nurturing connections with loved ones. Host small gatherings, game nights, or potluck dinners to create opportunities for quality time together.

• Embrace Nature: Spend time outdoors and connect with the natural world. Whether it's a leisurely walk in the park, a picnic in the woods, or stargazing on a clear night, nature has a calming and grounding effect that complements hygge perfectly.

• Prioritize Self-Care: Don't forget to take care of yourself. Set aside time for self-care rituals like meditation, yoga, or a warm bath. Self-care is an essential component of hygge, as it helps you recharge and find inner peace.

Conclusion

Hygge is a timeless concept that reminds us to slow down, appreciate the simple pleasures in life, and create cozy, inviting spaces that promote well-being and happiness. By embracing hygge in your modern lifestyle, you can find balance and contentment in a world that often feels hectic and demanding. So, go ahead—light those candles, invite friends over for a cozy evening, and savor the warmth of hygge in your life.

Self-esteem is the cornerstone of our mental and emotional well-being. It is the fertile soil from which our confidence, resilience, and sense of self-worth grow. Yet, many of us struggle with self-esteem issues at some point in our lives. The good news is that self-esteem is not a fixed attribute; it's a dynamic aspect of our inner selves that we can nurture and strengthen. In this article, we will explore the compassionate and empowering journey towards cultivating a healthier self-esteem.

Understanding Self-Esteem

Before we embark on our journey to boost self-esteem, let's define what it truly means. Self-esteem refers to the value and respect you hold for yourself. It's not about being arrogant or egotistical, but rather about recognizing your intrinsic worth as a human being. Healthy self-esteem involves:

• Self-acceptance: Embracing your flaws and imperfections as part of your unique identity.

• Self-confidence: Believing in your abilities and trusting your judgment.

• Self-compassion: Treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend.

• Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks and challenges, knowing that your worth remains intact.

With these principles in mind, let's explore how to foster self-esteem with compassion and empowerment.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

The first step toward building a healthier self-esteem is to recognize and challenge negative self-talk. We all have an inner critic that can be harsh and unrelenting. Instead of letting it control your thoughts, practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would to a friend. When you catch yourself in self-deprecating thoughts, reframe them with kindness. For example, replace "I'm so stupid" with "I made a mistake, but I can learn from it."

Celebrate Your Achievements

Acknowledge your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Celebrating your wins, both big and small, can boost your self-confidence and remind you of your capabilities. Keep a journal of your achievements and revisit it when you need a confidence boost. This practice can help you appreciate your journey and progress.

Embrace Self-Care

Self-esteem and self-care are intimately connected. Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time with loved ones. When you invest in self-care, you send a powerful message to yourself that you are worth the effort.

Set Realistic Goals

Setting achievable goals allows you to build a sense of accomplishment over time. Break down your larger objectives into smaller, manageable steps. When you reach these milestones, you'll gain confidence in your abilities. Remember that setbacks are a natural part of any journey, and they don't diminish your worth.

Cultivate Gratitude

Practicing gratitude can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. Regularly take time to reflect on the positive aspects of your life. This can foster a deeper sense of self-acceptance and contentment, which are vital components of self-esteem.

Seek Support and Connection

Remember that you don't have to go on this journey alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide guidance and support. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with trusted individuals can help you process and work through self-esteem challenges.

Cultivating self-esteem is a lifelong journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and commitment. By embracing your worth, challenging negative thoughts, and taking positive actions, you can empower yourself to build a healthier self-esteem. Remember that you are unique, valuable, and deserving of love and respect – from both yourself and others. As you embark on this compassionate and empowering journey, may you find the confidence and self-worth you deserve, and may it guide you to a happier, more fulfilling life.

We all mess up sometimes, and saying sorry is a way to make things better in our relationships. But not all apologies are equal. A good apology is like a recipe with specific steps, and it's more than just saying, "I'm sorry." In this article, we'll explore six important steps to a heartfelt apology, using everyday language and sharing examples of what to do and what to avoid. We'll also talk about why some apologies don't work and why it's so important to follow these steps in the right order for a real apology to be well received.

Step 1: Show You Care

What to Do:

Start by showing that you feel bad for what you did and that you understand how it hurt the other person.

Example:

"I'm really sorry for making you feel bad with what I said. I feel awful about it."

What Not to Do:

Don't make weak apologies like, "I'm sorry you got upset," because that doesn't really say you're sorry.

Step 2: Explain What Happened

What to Do:

Explain what went wrong honestly and clearly. Tell the other person what happened without trying to hide anything.

Example:

"I said some thoughtless things during our argument, and I know they hurt you. I messed up."

What Not to Do:

Don't make excuses like, "I was in a bad mood, so I didn't mean it."

Step 3: Admit It's Your Fault

What to Do:

Take full responsibility for your actions. Say that you messed up and it's no one else's fault.

Example:

"I messed up, and I know it was my fault. I'm owning up to it."

What Not to Do:

Don't try to blame others or downplay your role. Avoid saying, "I'm sorry, but you also did something to make me do it."

Step 4: Promise to Change

What to Do:

Tell the person you're apologizing because you want to make things better and that you'll work on not doing it again.

Example:

"I promise I'll do better in the future and not let this happen again. You mean a lot to me, and I want to make it right."

What Not to Do:

Don't make empty promises without a plan for how you'll change. Avoid saying, "I'll change, trust me," without explaining how.

Step 5: Offer to Make Amends

What to Do:

Ask if there's anything you can do to make things right or if there's something you can do to help.

Example:

"Is there something I can do to make this up to you? Can we talk about how I can make things better?"

What Not to Do:

Don't make vague offers or act like you don't care. Avoid saying, "Can I do something to fix this?" without showing that you mean it.

Step 6: Ask for Forgiveness

What to Do:

Respectfully ask for forgiveness but understand that it might take time for the other person to forgive you.

Example:

"I understand if you need time to forgive me, but I hope you can find it in your heart to do so eventually."

What Not to Do:

Don't push for forgiveness or demand it. Avoid saying, "You should forgive me by now; I said I was sorry."

Why Some Apologies Don't Work

Not all apologies work, and here are some reasons why:

• Not Being Genuine: People can tell when you're not really sorry, and it's hard to accept an insincere apology.

• Saying Sorry Too Much: Apologizing over and over for the same thing can make your apology lose its meaning.

• Not Recognizing the Hurt: If you don't acknowledge how your actions hurt someone, your apology might not feel real.

• Bad Timing: Saying sorry too late can make your apology fall flat.

• Actions Speak Louder: If your words don't match your actions, your apology won't be believable.

Why the Right Order Matters

Apologizing is like a step-by-step process. Following the steps in the right order helps in several ways:

• Building Trust: Going through the steps shows you're sincere and committed to making things better, which helps rebuild trust.

• Respecting Feelings: Respecting how the other person feels and giving them space is crucial for a successful apology.

• Explaining Yourself: Each step helps the other person understand your side of the story.

• Healing: A well-structured apology can lead to healing and a stronger relationship.

In conclusion, saying sorry is an important skill for better relationships. You can get it right by following these six steps: show you care, explain what happened, admit it's your fault, promise to change, offer to make amends, and ask for forgiveness. Avoid common mistakes and be sincere, and your apologies will be better received, leading to stronger connections with others.

For first responders, military personnel, and veterans, the memory of September 11, 2001, holds a profound significance. It was a day that called you to action, a day that awakened your sense of duty, patriotism, and unwavering commitment to serve and protect. As we commemorate the anniversary of 9/11, it's crucial to recognize the unique challenges you face and the strength that has carried you through. This article is dedicated to you, our heroes, and aims to offer guidance on healing and finding renewed purpose in the face of trauma.

A Call to Duty

For many of you, the 9/11 terror attacks were the catalyst that propelled you into your roles as first responders or led you to join the military. The images of that fateful day stirred something deep within, a sense of purpose and a commitment to safeguard the freedoms and values that define our great nation. Your dedication to service and the protection of others is a testament to your unwavering patriotism and resilience.

The Anniversary Effect

As we approach each anniversary of 9/11, it's common for emotions and memories to resurface, often with an intensity that can leave you feeling raw and exposed. Anxiety, nightmares, headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks, fear, sleep disturbances, and anger may become familiar companions. You may even find yourself reliving the emotions and reactions you had on that life-altering day.

Acknowledging Your Sacrifice

Trauma doesn't discriminate, and even the strongest among us can be profoundly affected. It's crucial to recognize the impact of the anniversary effect on your life. The sacrifices you've made and continue to make should never be understated. Your resilience in the face of trauma is a testament to your strength and bravery.

Reflecting and Seeking Support

On this journey, reflection plays a vital role. Take time to process the emotions, thoughts, and physical symptoms that resurface each year. Seeking support is an act of courage. Share your experiences with trusted comrades, friends, or professionals who understand the unique challenges you face. Bessel van der Kolk wrote in his landmark book on trauma, "As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself ... The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage." By talking through events together with a trusted buddy or professional, you can gain perspective on the event and find solace in knowing that you're not alone.

Honoring Your Purpose

The call to duty that brought you to your roles is a noble and enduring one. While healing may be an ongoing process, it's essential to honor your sense of purpose. Embrace the opportunity to reflect on your service and the lives you've touched.

Acceptance and Healing